Saturday, January 10, 2009

the never ending quest for balance

Isn't it amazing how life can change so quickly from one moment to the next? Just a few months ago I was spending my weekends in the mountains, camping or racing or biking, really just playing and having fun. Now all I've been doing is working, and working, and working some more. The outdoors are what I see when I drive to work.

Part of me is liking the change - I haven't immersed myself in work for a few years, haven't had a project that I was so into that you forget everything else. But I'm also a little uneasy about the change - I vowed to myself that I would not repeat the same mistakes I made in my last job and I can see those lines blurring. And in the process the balance that I worked so hard for is getting out of whack.

I know this is just a temporary change - work will get back to normal in a month. But if there is one thing I know about me is that I work with extremes - it's either all or nothing. Good example - my health. I either eat right AND workout, or do neither. It's part of the issue with my weight and something I have to work on everyday. If there is one thing I am proud of the past couple of months it is that I have stuck with my workout schedule despite not eating very well. But it's a daily struggle.

I was thinking the other day how much I miss life when I wasn't working - being laid off was one of the best things to ever happen to me. The year following that was the most balanced and amazing year of my life - I did and tried things I never dreamed I could do and discovered that someone's work does not define them. However, learning to have that balance working full-time is a completely different animal.

I know this post makes me seem a bit lost, but that's not necessarily the case. Right now I am exactly where I am suppose to be - that is very clear to me. Yet life is never as easy as just 'following the rules', there are always the other factors that enter into the equation. And that's the part that I am struggling with - actually, that's the part I always struggle with.

A few months from now things will likely change again, that's just the way life is. The question is, will I be ready for it? Will I embrace it as I have most of the other changes in my life? And will I find balance with the change? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Oh, but I'll always want to work at REI - that will NEVER CHANGE!

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