Friday, June 13, 2008

I'm a Wimp

I've been going back and forth on how to report on my adventure race last weekend and I'm still not sure what to say. But I'm going to give it a shot.

It was a gorgeous day for the race, which was in Fenton Lake, NM - a beautiful, mountainous area about an hour west of Santa Fe. I raced with my brother, his first adventure race but an extremely strong biker with tons of experience. It turned out he was much stronger than me in all the disciplines - I completely bonked during the biking section and never fully recovered. I was mostly dehydrated, no matter how much I drank I could not get in enough water. Since the biking section was toward the beginning it made the rest of the race pretty tough for me - I was even having a hard time during the running/trekking portion, which was my strength. I was exhausted and frustrated and it made for a very long race.

Despite that we did finish and placed 4th in the co-ed division (out of 4 teams) - all the teams were pretty close together time wise but most got more checkpoints than me and Steve, so that knocked us down some spots. Steve was incredibly patient with me and my lack of energy and for that I am extremely grateful. But I was, and still am frustrated with how I performed. It really seems to be a pattern lately - I'm having difficulty doing just about anything physical. Not sure what is going on but I'm pretty discouraged by it.

I spent the entire trip home trying to feel better. I kept downing electrolytes, which helped some. I couldn't eat much though - my stomach wasn't cooperating at all. It took me a another day before I felt somewhat normal and even then I was still struggling. I now fully understand what dehydration feels like and I don't want to experience it again.

I'm seriously rethinking whether I want to do more races. I started this whole thing to fulfill my dream of running one and I've done that. Part of me would love to get out there and keep running more races, building up to longer and harder ones. But to be honest I don't know if I'm cut out for it and not sure if I even enjoy it that much. I haven't been enjoying my workouts at all since I began training for the races and the whole purpose of them was to keep me motivated to continue to be active. If I'm not enjoying it, then why do it?

I know I'm discouraged and that's part of it. But I can usually snap out of it pretty quickly - instead I have been getting more discouraged as the week has continued. Maybe taking a break is what I need - I want to get out there and enjoy being outside, not feel like it's a burden. And right now, it's a burden.


ChoosingJoy said...

Pam! Let me just say that you are absolutely NOT a wimp. What you have done in the last 2 years with your life is amazing and has required a lot of courage and strength! I hope and pray that you can find the joy in your adventure racing again. I am sure it will help a lot when you can finally feel good again and have the energy to work out. Sickness has such a way of changing our perspectives! Hopefully at the end of this you will find the balance in your life of working out, adventure racing, rest, and fun so that it can be a joy again and not a burden!! Take care of yourself my friend, get the rest you need so your body can heal and feel better!!

Mini Me said...

Thanks hon, I appreciate the encouragement :-) I keep reminding myself of how far I've come but sometimes it's hard to remember that. I know this will pass, I just need to figure out a way to get back to my love of being out there. And feeling better probably would help.

Big hugs hon!