The Adventurous Me

peace at the beach...

2011-11-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

I'm a mountain girl at heart - growing up in Colorado seems to make that a given. I love nothing more than hiting a trail at the break of dawn, with each step bringing my closer to discovering a hidden jewel of a place. There is something special about each of those places; it's as if I was the one to discover them for the very first time.

But my love of the mountains has always had some competition... the ocean. I love it, love the smell, the sounds, the power of the crashing waves, the soothing affect it has on me. When I imagine the perfect vacation I see myself at a bungalow by the ocean, with a huge deck that wraps around the house and allows me to sit outside and take in every site and sound around me.

I saw this video and immediately felt a connection - it captures how I feel about the ocean so much better than any words I could write. Which means no more writing for me, check out this awesome video. (which has also inspired me to add another item to my bucket list :-) )

dagdraumar from Allan Wilson on Vimeo.

the circle...

2011-11-13T22:39:00.001-07:00

Dad at the tulip festival in Washington state, one of many trips him and mom took.

It was four years ago that we lost my dad. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about him and his influence on not only myself, but others as well. He was just one of those guys that accepted you where you were at and so many people were influenced by this trait of his. (I wish I had inherited that trait, but sadly no. I have to work at it every day and it is never easy for me.)

Dad doing one of his favorite things

Dad worked with youth, many of them troubled. Here he was, this middle-aged, middle-class, white guy from Arkansas who was able to relate and connect to hard core gang members. He didn't know their culture, their language or their background, but that didn't seem to matter. What did matter was he looked at each of those kids and never saw the trouble they caused or their crazy past, he only saw the future and what they COULD be. And these kids knew that, knew how much he believed in them.

What I most remember about dad was his quiet commitment to civil rights - this goes back to growing up in Arkansas, a place that was segregated everywhere but the place he spent the most time: Boys Club. Dad grew up not knowing that he was supposed to believe that a different skin color made you less of a human being. I think this has a lot to do with his trait I mentioned above - he learned early on that you don't judge people by the way they look or what you may have heard about them.

Dad and mom on their wedding day

Dad went on to work in Boy's Clubs most of his adult life. I remember him telling many stories of him taking one of his teams to compete somewhere and having to find hotels that would allow blacks to stay there. Or restaurants that would turn them away. But he never let it stop him. He just kept plowing through and doing the right thing.

I grew up as one of the only girls allowed in the "boy's only" club. (which I must admit, I loved. I was a tomboy and loved hanging with boys - dolls, and girls, were so boring). Dad's belief that everyone deserved a chance also went for his daughter. I was never told I couldn't do something cause "I was just a girl." If I wanted to try something, I could. It was a nice way to grow up.

There's been a big hole since dad died - life does go on, but there is always the thought "I wish he could be here." There were many adventure races that I wished he had been able to watch, he would have loved it. My first 14er I climbed was the weekend before he died - I remember wishing he had been able to see my pictures, see that I had succeeded in my goal. I have to believe that he does know and is smiling at the way my life has turned out.

While I do think about dad everyday, tonight I am probably more melancholy than usual. I spent the weekend in Colorado Springs, and today was spent with some friends who are dealing with their father being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. This family is like my own, I love them and hate to see them suffer through the hard decisions that need to be made and the grief that is already a part of their daily life. I remember how hard it was to watch dad suffer, knowing that he hated being in the hospital all those months and not being able to do anything about it.

There is a helpless feeling when someone you know is dieing - our natural response is to want to make everything and everyone feel better, to help make their grief easier. I'm trying to figure that out myself, how I can be there for them, all the while knowing that grief is what they have to experience, it's just a part of life.

I have to admit, watching them deal with their dad's illness has been hard, it's bringing back many feelings from dad's death 4 years ago. But I also know I have a perspective that other's may not have and I'm not going to let my feelings get in the way of my being there for them.

It's exactly what dad would have done, and I can't imagine a better example of how to do it right.

hmmm...

2011-11-01T21:09:00.001-06:00

5 months.

It's been 5 months since I had surgery. 5 MONTHS!

And what have I been doing? working. a lot. a lot, a lot.

I've also been hiking, and traveling (California baby!), and kayaking, and, oh did I mention it, working?

It's been kind of hard trying to keep up with all my extra curricular activities due to that oh so annoying thing called a job.

Don't get me wrong, I still love my job, absolutely love it. But I'm beginning to realize how easy I had it before, when I had all this leisure time to train and play. It was such a luxury.

Sigh, I miss those days.

Now I'm trying to find some sort of balance, all while trying to figure out how I can go back to school for my masters, and train for racing season next year, and fit in my family and friends, and oh yeah, actually get some work done.

Did I forget to mention I love my new hip? No pain, no problems: love it, love it, love it.

Does this seem like a rather abstract post?

Yeah, I thought so.

It's a perfect illustration of my brain right now - abstract and scattered.

I think it's time for me to get some sleep - it doesn't happen often, but I do sleep... sometimes.

i now get to set off the airport scanners...

2011-06-20T00:53:00.003-06:00

It has been just about 2 weeks since I had surgery and I am now spending my time laying around and watching lots of tv, aka recovery. I've got to admit, I'm enjoying the whole 'being lazy' portion of this adventure; it has been quite wonderful and I'm getting a bit spoiled with being waiting on hand and foot. Unfortunately it won't last forever, I am already moving around pretty well and can't keep getting away with the "mom, will you get such and such for me?" She is only going to buy my helpless act for so long.

Overall, I'm pretty damn happy that I did this. Within a few days I could see a huge difference in the pain coming from my hip, as in there is none! The pain I'm feeling is from the muscles they had to cut to get to the hip, and that is already starting to be minimal.

And another plus? I CAN REACH MY TOES!!! I know this sounds silly, but you have no idea how hard it is to not be able to bend down to put on socks, or shoes, or nail polish. Putting on clothes was even difficult. I'm over the moon on how easy it all is now!

And now a little lesson on hips, or in particular my hip.

The illustration below shows what my hip looked like BEFORE the surgery. The hip joint was pretty much completely worn, the Dr. said the joint had worn down to the point that the bones were crushing each other. And yes, I think I felt all those lovely crushed bones in every step I took.

The image below is my new and improved hip, officially named Hippolyta ( I LOVE this name!) See how pretty it is?! It looks like one big metal implant, but in reality it is 4-parts pieced together like legos. Amazing what medicine can do, I look at that and think whoa, that's inside of me???!!!

I've got lots of recovery time before I can hit the trails again and I am on certain restrictions while the implant grafts to my bone. But I am looking forward to, once again, being able to come up here to blog about the latest mountain I climbed or the trail I rode or the race I ran!

Oh yeah, I'm back.

the countdown begins...

2011-05-02T21:18:00.006-06:00

Today was my yearly checkup. It was also my appointment where my primary dr gets to say "yay" or "nay" to my surgery. In other words, she says whether I'm healthy enough to have surgery. I'm happy to say that, despite my lack of workouts or much of a balanced diet the past few months, I got a clean bill of health. June 7th can't get here soon enough!

In the midst of waiting for surgery, I've been doing some planning for after surgery, and I'm getting excited! It actually started last weekend when I watched 127 Hours (AMAZING movie!) and despite the threat of my arm being amputated, it reminded me how much I love being outside; it was my way of leaving all the stresses behind (plus I have always wanted to do some canyoneering - who needs a damn arm!)

So I have decided to make a list of everything I'm going to do next year, with my new hip in tow:

Go showshoeing (YEAH!)
Canoe the Platte through Denver with Glenny
Run my first race, a 12-hour adventure race in Moab - Wandering Soles is back!
Climb a few 14'ers
Run a few more adventure races
Hike the Grand Canyon with Project Athena
Spend a weekend doing some canyoneering in Moab
Take a kayaking course (using my brand new kayak!)
Do more climbing (inside and out!)
Canoe/Kayak down the Colorado in Moab
Do lots of Yoga!
Spend many days riding my bike around Denver - so many trails to explore!
Ride Slick Rock Trail in, you guessed it, Moab
Take Mountaineering Training Courses at Colorado Mountain Club (I've ALWAYS wanted to take these classes!)
Hike whenever I damn well please :-)

This all just sounds heavenly and I'm ready to dive into it all. I truly hate sitting around, I'm ready to get moving!

eat, pray, and that other thing...

2011-04-06T21:12:00.005-06:00

It's been a year since I read the book "Eat, Pray, Love." I immersed myself in Liz's story and related to the journey she had embarked on. It was, in many ways, a life-changing book for me. I understood her need (need doesn't seem like the right word; maybe passion or zeal or fervor - something more action oriented seems appropriate) to do something different with her life, or better yet to feel different about her life. Her journey became my journey, or at least the desire for something similar to happen to myself.

However, no matter how much I loved the book (and I did) I will admit that when I finished reading it, I was pissed. Her journey as a single woman resonated with me, I could understand every emotion she went through with such clarity and empathy. Then she had the gale to do the unthinkable... fall in love! How could she betray me like that?! This was suppose to be a book about empowerment to the single woman and she goes and blows it with that final act. In my mind, it was inexcusable and a crappy way to end the book.

Yes, I knew the story was based on her life and had actually happened. Yes, I know it was an irrational response to a BOOK. And yes, I felt kind of stupid.

But something happens when you are 45 and haven't been able to find that one person; or, in my case, you think you have found that person and they don't give a crap about you. You get cynical about love; the thought that someone else has found that 'one person' seems far fetched and more like a fable than real life.

I know I'm being irrational, but broken hearts kind of bring out the crazy. Someday I'll watch the movie and sigh at how romantic it all is. But not today.

Reverb10 - rethink...

2010-12-29T09:32:00.002-07:00

This "Reverb10" thing has been fun, it really has. But as I was reading the next writing assignments (for example, where did you travel (um, no where), choose a photo that you loved (I didn't take any, nadda), there is one glaring issue that is jumping out at me... I didn't do much of anything this past year. Ok, I'll be blunt: this year sucked. I could list all the crap that happened, but I think it's been mentioned before. And trying to write about any of the above items in lieu of all that... well, I just can't. Nothing happened for me to write about, it was a matter of just making it day to day.

So I'm done with Reverb10 - I'm tired of thinking and reflecting on this past year and just want to move on to 2011. And there is lots to look forward to:

1. Hip surgery - I'm ready to get that done and get back to a life without pain or limping.

2. Adventure races - I don't know how many I'll be able to race due to my hip, but I sure as hell am going to be there to volunteer or be support. I know of one definitely in California in September and I'm sure there will be many more!

3. New Job - I know how lucky I am to have not only found a job, but one I love. Looking forward to the next year and all the new strategies and plans we are going to be implementing.

4. Living in Denver - I loved living in Denver before and can't wait to explore the city again.

5. Having money - It's nice being able to pay bills, that hasn't happened in a few years!

6. Traveling - already planning a few trips, something i haven't been able to do for a while (see #5)

And so I'm going to say goodbye to 2010 and move on to 2011. It's not even a fond farewell, more like a "get the fuck out of here" kind of farewell. It's time to move on and start fresh.

Happy New Year Everyone and may you have amazing start to this new year!

Reverb10 - Day 4

2010-12-27T23:17:00.004-07:00

Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Ironically this happened when I was in the hospital. It was the first night; I was laying in my bed, looking outside at the snow falling, and thinking how amazing it was that I was alive. I put aside all my worries of being unable to breathe and fell into the deepest sleep I can remember in years. I was just completely at peace with all that had happened and was pretty grateful that I was even alive.

5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

This is a fun one. Here it goes:

1. Night at Copperhead Road with HS friends.
2. Quitting my job
3. Getting my current job
4. Long talks with many amazing friends
5. Getting an email from my hero, Robin Benincasa
6. Getting back in touch with so many old friends from my childhood/teen years
7. Moving back to Denver
8. Trip to Waco, TX
9. Trip to Moab
10. My job with CVAE
11. 24 Hours of E-Rock
12. Having Kim help me move to Denver
13. Many drinks at OC

Reverb10 - Day 3

2010-12-24T20:00:00.002-07:00

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Here's another tough one, but fitting in a strange way. I've always felt different... the odd ball, the weird one, etc. Never quite fit in anywhere and felt like the outcast. Over the years I've come to embrace my differences and realize that everyone else feels pretty much the same way. Haven't we all, at one time or another, felt like the outcast?

So, what's different about me? I'd have to say my persistence; I will work my ass off to finish a project or make a relationship work, I do not give up easily. You know that when you are my friend, I will be there no matter what and at times push you in ways you may not like. And I think that can be translated to the "what lights people up" portion of this - I make sure and tell my friends and family that I love them as much as I can. When dad got sick and in ICU, he knew I loved him; I constantly told him that long before he couldn't hear it. And now it's even more important to me - if I love you, I will tell you and mean it. And what I have found is that people like to hear that... who wouldn't? I prefer to do this then die and know i never told a single soul that I loved them, how sad that would be.I don't know if this is what necessarily makes me different, but it's what this topic brought to mind.

Other things I think of about me and my "difference," maybe I'll try a list...

1. I smile all the time, even when I'm upset. Which makes me dangerous when I'm mad, I guess that's a good thing? :-)

2. this is kind of cool, but my mom thinks this is what sets me apart. When I was a day old, I actually flipped from my back to my stomach. Mom said she knew I would be a strong child when she saw this! I'm told this is super rare, so that is definitely different. And set the tone for my later stubbornness :-)

3. One moment I am the most confident person in the world, the next I feel like the biggest loser in the world - this can be extreme for me and drives me crazy. The upside - I try to be honest about it and tell people. Amazing how it develops these great relationships and helps me overcome this crazy trait.

4. I'm probably the most non-athletic adventure racer out there. Seriously, I suck. But I keep doing it and somehow people admire my tenacity (again, stubbornness!) and great relationships have been formed because of it.

5. And lastly... I have really weird looking toes. I know, not a big one, but I have never seen anyone with the same toes as me (except my brother). I don't know if there is anything good about this, but it's kind of funny.

While writing this I thought about all my friends who are just as different as me and infinitely more beautiful. Thanks for the beauty you have brought into my life - you all just make me that more beautiful!

Reverb10 - Day 2

2010-12-24T09:19:00.004-07:00

Since I'm a little behind on this whole thing, I'm going to double up and do two a day.

Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.

My moment was way back at the beginning of the year when I decided to quit my job. I felt unbelievable free and unshackled for the first time in a couple of years. Ironically, I knew when I took that job that it was the wrong decision for me, it felt like I was settling. But I don't regret staying at the job, that experience helped me find my current job, which I consider my dream job. In the end, it always seems to work out.

While everything has turned out ok, it was not without some pretty tough times. Sometimes I handled them well, sometimes I didn't. But I don't regret a minute of it, despite all the pain and struggles, I would do it all over again.

Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

This is a tough one. Letting go is not easy for me, I can be a stubborn pain in the ass and that translates to lots of heartache. (it also means that I can be very persistent when something needs to get done, so I guess there is a good side).

There was a very special person I had to let go, and ironically that didn't happen until this week. There was my view of how religion forms my life, but that is ongoing. My own struggle with self-esteem (or lack of) is something I have to let go of daily.

And finally, my need to be 'settled' or 'secure' has been my biggest "let go." I threw that out the window when I quit my job and that was a HUGE leap for me. I do love that I have a job that pays well, but it's more important to me that I love the job and that is something that has never happened before. Security is nice, but happiness in the moment is so much better.

Reverb10 - Day 1

2010-12-23T22:04:00.001-07:00

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

One word: Exhausting. This year has been the year of change and it hasn't always been an easy transition. Quitting my job, a stint in the hospital, trying to find a new job, hip problems, money problems... it was a lot to handle and it wore me out. I'm just now feeling like I'm getting back to a somewhat normal life, but honestly, what is normal? Right now, I'm just taking it day by day and hoping to make next year better.

What word would I like to say will capture 2011 for me? Peace. I think that says it all.

something new...

2010-12-23T21:54:00.001-07:00

Due to my amazing new job in higher education, I get the next week and a half off! It has been years since I have even gotten Christmas Eve off, so this is a huge treat.

What am I going to do with my time off?

First thing... sleep. I've been tired for a long time, a very long time. I'm not going to set my alarm or make early morning plans. Just sleep.

Second... workout. I haven't been to the gym in, oh, 4 MONTHS! I can't believe it's been that long, but between my long commute and new job, it's been pretty tough to find the time. And I feel it, big time. Going to get back in the habit.

Third... organize my apartment. I just moved a couple of weeks ago and still have boxes on my porch. Got to go through all of them!

Fourth... get back to meditating. Another thing I've been slacking on and I can feel the difference.

And lastly... blog each day! You heard it, I plan on blogging everyday, with the Reverb 10 prompts. I found it on another blog and loved the idea, so I'm going to try it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

a list, a list, a lovely list

2010-11-14T12:29:00.001-07:00

In honor of one of my favorite blogs, (and because I'm feeling too lazy to actually write a coherent post) I'm going to write a "what's been happening to me lately" list. Here it goes...

1. Sweet, sweet relief: Gertrude (aka my right hip) is doing much better since I got a cortisone shot. The best part... NO PAIN AT NIGHT!! I'm sleeping again, which is making Pam a happy (and less grumpy) gal.

2. I've been at my new job for 2 months and still love it! It's a perfect fit for me, I love the people, and I've been challenged in every way possible. I'm feeling pretty grateful for the opportunity.

3. And because of the new job, I'm moving to Denver in 3 weeks! I found a wonderful place to live that is close to work and close to just about every bike trail/park/lake that Denver has to offer. And the mountains! I'm just minutes away from some great snowshoeing, can't wait!

4. The disadvantage to moving? Leaving my bestie friend and mom (and all my other friends as well). I have a feeling most of my weekends will be spent in Colorado Springs, just not willing to miss out on spending time with any of them!

5. I get the week off between Christmas and New Year! Just a perk of working in higher ed. I haven't had Christmas or New Years off in over 14 years - I can't tell you how excited I am!

6. And most importantly, I am grateful for my amazing friends and family - thanks to all of you for your support and love and friendship.

the perfect man...

2010-10-19T00:23:00.002-06:00

I remember years ago watching some tv show (can't remember which one) where the main character was scheduled to have some sort of surgery. A week before the surgery, she goes shopping for lingerie... not for her husband, but to wear for her surgery. It seems that her surgeon was a gorgeous hunk of a man and she wanted to look her best while laying on the table. I remember being amused with the whole thing, but not fully understanding the whole hoopla....

Until today.

I understand now. I had an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon today - it was a follow-up on what to do about my hip (which was actually pretty encouraging - I'll save that for later). I've seen him once before and I remember thinking "he's pretty cute," but that's about it. Nothing spectacular.

But today? That all changed. Let's just say that he has gone from "that cute Dr." to "the man of my dreams." Here I was, sitting on the examination table, wearing the ugliest hospital gown ever, thinking about all I had to do for work that day; then 'he' walked in, smiling and shaking my hand in the most sexy way possible. Not only was I smitten, but I was horrified at how absolutely horrible I looked. Vanity, thy name is Pam.

My crush might be chalked up to how compassionate and kind he is. A Dr. who listens? There's nothing sexier. A Dr. that grasps my hands when talking to me? Sigh. A Dr. that draws diagrams with a crayon to explain the more complex aspects of how a hip works? Sign... again.

I'm going to have fun with this little crush of mine - it's been a while since anyone has been able to render me speechless (which, you can imagine, has seldom happened). It's so much better than having a flesh and bones boyfriend - no worries about getting hurt or dumped. A nice little fantasy.

Oh, and next week you can find me at Victoria Secret. I have a lot of shopping to do.

I almost forgot - the reason I went to see this lovely man? Gertrude, also known as my right hip, has been yelling out for more attention. It was decided to go with the cortisone shot, which he said should get me back to almost normal in no time at all. It's a good solution for now - I'll be back out there before you know it. I'm already planning lots of snowshoeing weekends this winter, and I can't wait!

a limp and a prayer...

2010-09-24T02:54:00.002-06:00

The summer of 2010 is gone... finished... terminated.

And I did absolutely nothing that could be considered adventurous/fun/outdoorsy.

There's a long list of reasons on why I didn't get out there - lack of money, lack of time, lack of interest - but in reality there was one big reason for the lack of activity.

A thing called "Pam's Hip" (or as I like to call it, Gertrude)

I got to know Gertrude last fall. She liked to make herself known when I ran, with shooting pain that made it difficult to continue that activity. At the time I just thought it was due to an injury. It turns out that was wishful thinking.

As the months progressed, Gertrude became a little more obnoxious and demanding. She began to appear all the time, affecting my day to day activities; it was time to find out what was wrong.

Turns out that I have osteoarthritis of the hip. This is a common occurrence for the women in my family, all of them have had to have hip replacements at one time or another. I was just hoping that I was one of the lucky ones, that by losing the weight and being active I would be the one that it wouldn't happen to. I was wrong.

I was told that once the disease begins to progress, it progresses fast. And boy were they right. My friend Gertrude became my unwelcomed friend Gertrude, just like a guest who stays way too long and wears out their welcome. She has turned my life upside down. I went from being active and healthy to walking like a 80 year old woman and unable to do much of anything.

The Dr. didn't give me lots of options. Hip replacement surgery is out; I'm too young. There's a shot that helps with the pain, but that comes with side affects that are not very appealing. And pain pills, but do you think i want to take pills all the time? Ah, no.

I didn't like these options, so I decided to do my own research. And I found out about a new procedure that gave me hope. It's called Resurfacing and is meant to help those who are active or too young for hip replacement surgery.

Ironically, I found out about it from my adventure racing hero, Robin Benincasa. She's the racer I had watched compete all those years ago and the reason why I wanted to race, as well as part of my motivation to lose the weight. This woman is amazing! (here's a cool interview with her - http://www.railriders.com/interview-adventure-goddess-a-61.html) I had heard she had the same thing and had some sort of surgery to help, so I contacted her with a gushing email about how much she had influenced my life, how amazing she was, etc; oh, and by the way, what did you do to help your hip? A few days later I actually got a response (which I still have and have considered printing and framing it to hang over my bed). She was so gracious and kind and helpful, I was flabbergasted. And she told me about the surgery and how much it helped her get back to racing. That was it, I was determined to have this surgery. Now I just need to get insurance and a Dr and I'll be all set. Just minor details :-)

I wish I could convey how very frustrating it has been to deal with all this - while i don't handle pain very well, the toll mentally has been even more challenging than I imagined. I took for granted the little things in life that are so difficult now: getting dressed, sleeping, walking, driving (hell, just getting in the car is hard). And my "adventurous life" has taken a hit - no more hikes, no more adventure races. It has been a bitter pill to swallow.

I guess this is part of the reason why this summer has been a rough one. Granted, lots has happened besides the painful visits from Gertrude, but underneath it all has been me coming to terms with the fact that my life is not as it was.

But I do know this is not forever -before you know it I will have my newly designed hip and be like new. There are lot's more summers for me to experience - I guess I have to chalk this rather painful one up to a learning experience.

the hospital and me...

2010-05-18T22:43:00.004-06:00

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?"

I'm sure you are all wondering why I started with this quote, right? I really have no idea, it just caught my fancy... and made me laugh. And after the past few weeks, I need to laugh.

Well, maybe there is some correlation to the quote and my title above. It's a stretch but I'll try to explain (eventually).

It's been a few weeks since my stay in the hospital and that time has been spent, well, just trying to survive. While I'm eternally grateful to the hospital and dr's for saving my life (really, really, really grateful!) they beat me up pretty good. The trail of needle marks up and down my arms left bruises that make the strongest stomach squirm. And the drugs they prescribed me? They have wrecked havoc with my sleeping (insomnia anyone?), I've gained way too much weight in a way too short of time (steroids really suck), and my stomach has decided to reject most conventional food (it doesn't seem fair that I gain weight due to the drugs and not to the partaking of all sorts of delectable and delightful treats - it would be nice to blame it on enjoying all the amazing Italian food I want to eat and not those little pills I take each day, but alas my stomach will not allow any Italian at this point). All this to say that, while I am happy to be breathing and living with the rest of you, I'm also tired, beaten up and frustrated with how slow I'm healing. (patience and me? not the best of friends)

I just read that last paragraph and thought "damn girl, stop whining!" I mean honestly, not too many people can say they have survived the rare and dreaded epiglottitis without having to be intubated or endure a medically induced coma - I'm pretty lucky! But I'll admit it here; I suck at being a sick person. Really suck. I hate it and it's not so fond of me either.And thus the whining. (all done in the most grateful way!)

And what does all this have to do with the quote I mentioned at the beginning of this post? Per the Princess Bride "Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up." (this is the night for random quotes, isn't it?)

That first night, as I lay in my hospital room, I remember looking around me and feeling completely at peace. It's strange to be saying that, considering I could barely breath and had been through a pretty traumatic experience. Yet there I was, looking out the window, watching the snow fall and feeling awed and grateful for my life. It's similar to the feeling I have when I'm hiking - knowing that the trail could take me to a place that will most likely surprise and challenge me. Whether it's the scenery or wildlife or the accomplishment, it's always a surprise and brings on a feeling of total peace and contentment. And that is exactly how I felt - I had survived all the ups and downs of this crazy 'hike' and was alive and on the way to the 'well' part. And as a result, I was looking out my hospital window in awe of, well, everything.

I wish I could say I have continued on with this peaceful way of being, but sadly no. Life has a way of creeping back in and I easily forget what's important. But I'm working on it.I actually think that should be my life mantra - "I'm working on it" - it's just all too true.

Wouldn't you say life would be pretty boring if we didn't have to "work on it" - being perfect is so overrated. Thank god I don't have to worry about that!

where do I get off this ride?

2010-04-24T09:26:00.010-06:00

Right now, I'm sitting in a hospital room, looking outside at the snow falling (you've got to love Colorado weather), loving the fact that a hospital has wifi and looking back at a couple of tough weeks. So, why am I in the hospital? I'll get to that in a minute.

My 'tough weeks' started last week when I had the unpleasant experience of doing my taxes. Which became even more unpleasant when I found out I owe, a lot. And since my employment is a bit sporadic at the moment, there wasn't a lot of money to actually pay this huge bill. What really irked me was that I made less this past year than I have for 10 years and I ended up owing. How is that possible? I had thoughts of joining some militant, anti-tax group, but I've never liked the fashion statement most of those groups make, so that was out. (army green just isn't my color).

Besides the trauma of tax day, there were lots of little things that just added up to a rough week. Isn't it funny how that works? After about the umpteenth issue/problem/heartache, I just wanted to hide from the world. Take all those issues separately and spread them out, and not so bad. But all in one week? Can you say emotional meltdown?

And now I get to the whole "why am I in the hospital?" part of this post. By reading my post above, you might think I had a mental breakdown. Nah, I'm tougher than that. But my body definitely decided to break down, and at the most inopportune time of course (is there ever a good time?) I've been ramping up my training for the 24 hours of eRock mountain bike race and was just beginning to feel like I was progressing pretty well. This past Wednesday was a reminder of how easily things can change. I went for a ride, intending to ride 20 miles but was barely able to do 14. I got to the flat part of the trail and knew something was wrong, I was struggling to peddle at a glacier pace and had to stop a few times when dizziness took over. After one of the roughest rides I can ever remember, my wonderful BAMF friend rescued me from having to ride any more and I went home to crash. I had the beginnings of a sore throat and started my usual routine when i feel a cold coming on: drink lots of orange juice and double my protein. It works every time.

It didn't work this time. By the next morning I was in serious pain, my throat had swollen so that it was painful to swallow and I was feeling a bit like death. It got even worse as the day progressed and at about 1am I started to have problems breathing and decided it was time to head to the ER.

I spent 6 hours at the ER, where they took tons of blood, did a CT Scan, a flu and strep test, and got me set up on an IV. By now I was terrified. I could barely breathe or talk and they didn't seem to understand what was happening. It didn't help that I couldn't stop crying - I was just in a panic and trying very hard to calm down.

All the tests came back: my white blood cell count was extremely low and they had seen the beginning of a virus cyst in my throat. Put me on anti-biotics and steroids for the swelling and said I had to come back the next day for a follow-up.

2 hours later I got a call from the hospital, asking me to come back asap. They had found something on my CT scan that indicated a more serious illness than initially thought. So I trudged back, they admitted me to the hospital, and that's where I am today. It's actually pretty nice, I have a room to myself, I'm being waited on hand and foot, and there is lovely wifi. The disadvantages - have wires sticking out of my body, the whole blood thing, feeling like crap, and wishing I could be in my own bed. But at least I calmed down - no more crying and thinking a little more rationally.

So, what exactly do I have? It's called epiglottitis, a bacterial infection in your epiglottit (it's the flap of tissue that sits at the base of the tongue that keeps food from going into the trachea, or windpipe, during swallowing.) Being the resourceful gal I am, I did a search on google to find out what exactly it is. The first result I came up with said "Epiglottitis is a medical emergency that may result in death if not treated quickly." Whoa, not what I was expecting. (UPDATE: A friend forwarded me an article on the disease that was eye-opening. I really dodged a bullet on this one. You can read it here if you are interested.) But I dug in, learned all the freaky weird things that could happen with this disease and am now much more informed on what I'm dealing with. And a little freaked out, to be honest. If there are two things I am thankful for it's that I got to the hospital when I did, and the wonderful xray tech that found it on the scan - I want to find that man and give him a big hug.

I am now just waiting to hear when I get to go home. I had a bit of a set back this morning (it's amazing how breathing, or lack of breathing, can make everyone pay very close attention to you) which may put me here another day at least. I like that they are taking it seriously and they have given me the absolute best care.

It's funny how when you become seriously ill, all the other issues just don't seem as important. Who cares about taxes or work issues. I guess that's the good I can take from this, a little perspective.

Oh, and they just brought me my first "real" food in 2 days... pudding! I'm going to enjoy every little bite!

Just a side note: If you ever start to have any of the symptoms that I described above, get to a hospital ASAP and mention Epiglottitis. (some additional symptoms not mentioned are drooling, harsh/raspy breathing, fever, elevated heart rate and voice changes). It's so rare that they say it's easier to be struck by lightning and most Dr's don't have much experience with it. I was fortunate.

bike routes on google...

2010-03-11T16:39:00.001-07:00

Two posts in one day - that doesn't happen often! But this was too cool not to post.

Google has finally added bike routes to it's maps. Can I just say it - yeah! I have always hated the whole "search for a path" that happens when I want to try a new route or trail. An awesome resource that I am definitely going to utilize.

There's a great article on this new addition at the outside blog - http://outside-blog.away.com/blog/2010/03/the-good-route-google-maps-adds-bike-routes.html Commuters will dig this tool because it suggests routes around--rather than over--hills. But if you’re looking for more of a workout, you can drag and drop the route over steeper terrain. You can also suggest changes or corrections to the suggested routes—or, if you’re so inclined, send in your favorite secret stash of singletrack—by using the “report a problem” feature on Google Maps.

Now, if summer would finally get here and allow me more riding, I would be a very happy woman.

i swear, this is my last "aha moment" post

2010-03-11T12:00:00.002-07:00

I know, I've said it before. But this is it, no more mention ever again.

That being said, Tuesday night was the first night my commercial aired and despite the fact that I have seen it many times on the computer, it was a little weird watching myself on tv. And I admit, I got a little teary-eyed. There is still a part of me that doesn't comprehend that I have done this, it sometimes feels like I'm watching someone elses life, not my own. Just a little surreal. I invited some friends over to watch it - it was nice being able to share it with them. Last August when I taped this I never imagined it would come this far - it's been a great experience!

I did get an updated schedule for the commercial, they had to change a few things - I've posted it below.

Tuesday, March 9 - Biggest Loser
Wednesday, March 17 - Old Christine
Tuesday, April 13 - Dancing with the Stars
Monday, May 3 – Dancing with the Stars
Sunday, May 9 - 60 Minutes
Wednesday, May 16 - Extreme Home Makeover
Friday, May 28 - Ghost Whisperer
Monday, June 7 - Castle
Wednesday, June 16 - Old Christine
Tuesday, June 18 - 20/20

Friday, July 16 - Ghost Whisperer

And if you didn't get to see it, here's a link to the commercial - http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/6804

Ok, that's it - you won't hear anything else about "aha's" or "moments" from me :-)

some rocks and a tattoo...

2010-02-07T21:00:00.005-07:00

I finally did it - I made an appointment to get a tattoo.

I've been thinking about doing this for a couple of years as a way to celebrate not only my weight lose but all the changes that have taken place since then. But finding that one image that would signify all those changes has been just about impossible. Come on, look at all that has happened! There was all my hiking; climbing 14er's; adventure race camp and my first race; the 5 races following that; my love of running; mountain biking; my new and amazing friends and so on. How in the world could I find one image that would show all that?

It finally came down to one image that is pretty common on the trail - a cairn. What's a cairn? Basically it's "a single stack of rocks intended to mark a path, a territory, or a specific site."

I've seen them all over when I hike, particularly in Moab. There have been many times on the trail that if I hadn't seen a cairn, I would have gotten hopelessly lost. They guided my steps and kept me safe.

More than that, they signify the changes that have taken place in my life. I've said many times that the people in my life have made all the difference in who I am today. Those who place cairnes are thinking of those who will come after and those who find and follow them are trusting travelers who went before. What better illustration of our relationships with each other.

There are other, spiritual aspects to cairns that I like as well. In particular, they are used in some buddhist ceremonies and are viewed by some cultures as a place of meditation/balance. I love the picture on the left - talk about balance!

All this put together made it pretty clear that this is what I wanted to mark my body permanently with. Next up to decide - who is going to do it?

I got lucky there - a friend suggested we check out West Side Tattoo in old Colorado City and spent Friday being completely impressed with the place. I picked the artist I wanted, made the appointment (this Friday), placed a down payment, and I was all set!

So, what is it going to look like? Look to the right - that's it. The artist is extremely talented and I'm excited to see what he will do with the final product! I will post pics right here as well when it's all done.

Another step, albeit small, in this journey.

24 hours of erock...

2010-02-03T21:32:00.001-07:00

It's official, I have a team for my first 24 hour mountain bike race! That's right, me... the person who usually whines about having to ride her bike in adventure races and is scared of just about all technical trails. Kind of funny, isn't it?

But I have a good team, a really good team: my brother Steve, who has recently been promoted to Cat 1 racer status and is now on a professional team. The amazing, beautiful, and kick ass Melissa who mostly does Adventure Races but wants to try something new (and is coming all the way from California). And me, the weak link (but I do have the advantage of knowing the trail very well - I ride it all the time). We want to find 1 more person to make it an even 4, so if anyone out there is interested, contact me!

As with everything else I have done the past few years, I have no idea what to expect and have wondered what I'm getting myself into. I emailed my friend and another kick ass woman athlete, Jari, for advice. Jari has been the solo women's champion of the 24 hours of Moab, one of the hardest 24 hour races in the country- one year she beat all the men except the winner! And she gave me a butt load of advice and encouragement to guide me through this new experience. Despite the promise of "pain and suffering" I'm excited and pumped for this.

Check out the race here - http://www.elephantrockride.com/24_info.html.

a few of my favorite things...

2010-01-16T00:07:00.001-07:00

late night bike rides
ice cream runs
early morning hikes
camping in the sand dunes
going barefoot in the sand dunes
running in the sand dunes
rolling down the sand dunes (so fun!)
camping in Telluride
sitting in the hot springs in Telluride
camping in Kremmling
racing in Kremmling
racing in Breckenridge
four-wheeling in the San Juans
all day training sessions
all day bike rides
watching evening softball games
late night talks in the park
hiking among the wild flowers
gazing at the stars
afternoon thunderstorms
spontaneous weekend trips
homemade ice cream
farmer's market

I miss summer.

I want to be this woman...

2010-01-11T20:29:00.001-07:00

Just read this article about MTB Racer Doris Matyasovich. She has won one master's world championship, 13 national championships, 17 state championships. And get this... she started racing when she was 45. That was 22 years ago and she is still racing today.

Can I just say it - WOW! Check out the story, inspiring.

She gives me some motivation to get my ass in gear and start some serious training. I'm getting way too soft.

once a talker, always a talker...

2009-12-23T23:23:00.009-07:00

I swear I was born talking. Really. Anyone who knows me knows this. I can keep a conversation going for hours just by my pure will and willingness to engage in all sorts of topics. I find absolute delight in engaging a 'non-talker' in conversation... and I succeed just about every time. It's how I was made, my natural character and true self.

I've always loved this about myself. Well, for the most part. There were times when I had wished I was more like the quiet, calm girls in my class - they seemed to have an aura about them that I could never emulate. I was always loud or talked too much and whatever aura I had dissipated all too quickly when I opened my mouth.

There is a problem with us 'talkers' though - we aren't very good listeners. I fully recognize this about myself and have had to work hard to be someone who engages completely in a conversation. And after years of practice, I have succeeded fairly well.

Notice how I said "fairly well" and not "perfectly well?" Yeah, that's the rub of the true self, where there is a 'ying' there must be a 'yang.' And improving the yang in me is a constant struggle.

This morning I opened up one of my current reads ("Eat, Love, Pray") and saw this:

I'm never going to be a wallflower, but that doesn't mean I can't take a serious look at my talking habits and alter some aspects for the better - working within my personality. Yes, I like talking, but perhaps I don't have to curse so much, and perhaps I don't always have to go for the cheap laugh, and maybe I don't need to talk about myself so constantly. Or here's a radical concept - maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting, I can't find another way to see it than this: "I believe that what I am saying is more important then what you are saying." And I can't find another way to see that than "I believe that I am more important than you." And that must end.

If there was ever a better description of me, I can't think of it. I truly don't like this about myself and find it ironic that not minutes later I opened the second book I'm reading ("Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of Buddha") and saw this:

While engaged in conversation, instead of immediately responding when someone speaks, we pause for a moment, relax our body and mind and mindfully notice what we are experiencing... by pausing and paying attention, we become acutely aware of our patterns of reaction.

I do believe the universe is trying to tell me something. And I'm listening. I just pray I will actually hear what it's saying and take it to heart.

me...

2009-12-19T23:38:00.005-07:00

change is a constant...

2009-12-06T21:46:00.031-07:00

I haven't written much about my recent adventures lately. Mostly because there haven't been many, at least not in the typical way you might view an adventure. Lately my adventures have been more internal. I suppose that fits the season, the slowdown that comes with winter. Winter always has this affect on me - no more long bike rides or days hiking in the warm sun makes me a bit lethargic. But it's more than just the affect of winter.

My trip to California last month changed some things for me - amazing what the combination of lack of sleep and good conversation can do. I returned home with a challenge to change some things in my life, which is what I have spent the last month doing.

What have I done that is so life changing? Slowed down. That's it, nothing earth shattering, just slow down. This is not easy for me - I don't like to slow down. I like my 4:30 am workouts 6-7 days a week; my second job that keeps me working each night; my busy social life; my volunteer work; the hikes and bike rides and so on. They are fun and exciting and keep me very busy.

But now? My workouts are considerably less, maybe 2-3 times a week. My mornings are now spent reading and meditating, concentrating on the things inside me that need some work. And the evenings? Quietly spent on my computer (yes, I still spend way to much time on the thing) but also reading (that's two books at one time - a record!). I've concentrated on the outer me a long time, believing that the rest would follow. And that has happened to a certain extent. But what I was really doing was making my life so busy that I wouldn't have to deal with the parts of me I didn't like, the parts that only I saw. It was fun for a while, but not very healthy.

And here's the surprise - I like to slow down. I like to breathe deeply and search my heart and body daily for those things that, in the past, have created havoc in my life. It's the ultimate in my own personal 'radical acceptance' and I must admit, exhausting. But worth every minute.

There have been some amazing benefits from this slow down:

1. less stress - I just don't let things get to me. Part of being sick this year was due to stress; actually, most of it was. And the meds I was on did not help - they wrecked havoc with my body, causing weight gain and other fun issues. No more, I threw those puppies away and am managing it naturally and applying that to all areas of my life.

2. feel stronger physically - ironic, since my workouts have decreased. But I am more focused when I am working out and feel much more rested and relaxed.

3. better relationships - I always have to work on these, but I'm finding that my openness to share my struggles and challenges allows others to share theirs as well. Honestly, what would I do without people in my life who challenge and listen and love me no matter what? They make all the difference.

4. more rested - not just sleep wise, but mentally rested. My brain seems to function better and my concentration is much better. It's an overall feeling of peace and calm that has escaped me in the past.

This whole process hasn't been easy, at all. There are good days and bad days. But for now, this is my new adventure and it has been an even wilder ride than all the races or climbs or bike rides I've done the past 2 years.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

the fat cyclist... my hero

2009-11-30T14:48:00.016-07:00

A few months ago I came across a blog called "The Fat Cyclist." Little did I know what I was getting into when I first delved into his archives of past posts. Not only is he one of the funniest guys I have ever read, he is also a huge supporter of the LiveStrong Foundation and has raised thousands of dollars to find a cure for cancer. There is a personal reason for his passion; his own wife suffered from breast cancer and just recently lost her life in the battle.

I've never met or talked to Fatty (as he likes to call himself) but I can tell you from reading his blog that he is someone I admire and respect. He is pretty honest on that blog of his; there were times when I was dissolved in tears, especially when I read his blog about her death:

Susan died tonight (August 5) at 7:25pm. It was a hard, long day, and Susan fought right to the end, for much longer than anyone would have thought she could...

I’ll have more to say soon, but consider this. Susan inspired me to expand the focus of my blog from nothing but bike-related jokes to a serious and pitched fight against cancer...

Susan’s part in the battle is over, but she didn’t lose. She led the charge. She showed the rest of us how to fight: with determination, focus, creativity, and outrageous endurance. Entire post

His blog has made me consider my own contribution to the fight for cancer. I haven't had anyone close to me die from the disease so it was never much of a pressing thought. Not anymore. His story has inspired me to get involved. I don't know how, but I want to put myself out there and do more. A good goal to have.

Oh, and he is funny, oh so funny. Make sure and read his Top Posts section, especially his open letters (the one to Lance Armstrong is my fav). Seriously, you won't regret it.

The Fat Cyclist Blog

epic...

2009-11-18T20:58:00.019-07:00

9 climbers, 1 base camp cook, 3000 pounds of gear, 80 days, an ascent of Mt. Huntington in Alaska ... this is a fascinating trip report from way back in 1980. Absolutely stunning photos that gives you an idea of the beauty of Alaska (give them some time to download, but oh so worth it!) And the last pic of the cabin in Talkeetna? I was there just a couple of months ago - looks exactly the same.

http://cascadeclimbers.com/trip-reports/alpine/west-fork-ruth-huntington-e-ridge-4-1-1980-4474/

I really have no desire to do a huge mountaineering trip like this. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate these types of reports. Actually, it's more than appreciate, it's a jaw dropping awe of their accomplishments. I may never go to the extreme that they did, but I do know what it's like to work your way through the snow and feel completely overwhelmed by the immenseness and raw beauty of the world around me. And doing that at night, during a full moon, is the most amazing experience I've ever had. It's a different and magical land at night.

Enjoy.

a moment of clarity...

2009-11-14T15:34:00.016-07:00

It's cold and snowy outside, the perfect day for quiet reflection. I decided to venture out with a book and my laptop in hand and spend time in my fav coffee shop. I got my requisite cup of hot chocolate, sat down at a nice cozy table with a window view, and set about to read my book in peace and quiet. However, things never seem to work out the way we plan, do they?

Two young women we're sitting at the table next to me, talking about relationships. It's the usual angst of 20 year old's, the whole "why doesn't he like me?", "We're so perfect for each other, why doesn't he see it?" etc, etc. I was smiling to myself, thinking about the many conversations I have had about that very topic when one of the young women said "My big fear is that no one will ever love me, that I'm too broken and undeserving to ever truly be loved for me." It took me by surprise - not only did I understand what she was saying, I've said the very same thing. It was a surprise to see this young woman echo my own fears and insecurities - I had seen her at the counter getting a cup of coffee and my first thought had been how beautiful and charming she was, she must have a perfect life. I thought I knew what was in her heart by just looking at her - how wrong I was.

It makes me wonder how I'm viewed by others - do they think I have no insecurities or problems? I've been told many times that I am lovely and intelligent and engaging, but do I really believe it? At times. The truth be told is that most of the time I have a running dialog in my mind that says the exact opposite - you will never be good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. It's easier to believe the negative.

I have been struggling with this inner voice and it's affect on me. A very wise person once told me that if I wanted to deal with my past, I would have to learn how to sit in the pain of that past, not ignore it. I've reaped the benefits of that philosophy before and plan to, once again, use pain as a way to learn and grow. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know I will be better in the long run.

You just never know what can happen at a coffee shop, do you?

sleep is for wimps...

2009-11-11T19:42:00.010-07:00

I'm back from California. Well, at least partially. I think I left some of my brain cells back there and have felt in a fog since returning. Part of it is due to lack of sleep - I slept about 6 hours during the 4 day race. And while I loved every minute of the race, I am finding it hard to recoup quickly from the sleep deprivation. I have fallen asleep in our staff meeting, at my desk, while on the phone, and at a restaurant. I'm not the best of company, to say the least. You would think I was the one who ran the race, not support crew.

I may be a bit sleep deprived, but in some ways that has been a good thing. My brain is clearer and life seems much simpler. With this clarity has been a bit of a revelation. Am I ready to say what that is right now? No, not really. I need more time to think through it. I'm nervous and excited at the possibilities and hopeful for the first time in a long time.

And the race? Such a great experience! The team went from 4 to 2 racers when Wendy and Melissa dropped due to illness. So it was Kent and Tim as a team and me as support. This race was much more challenging for me than the last race in Moab - there was much more driving and driving on roads that were not made for a truck and trailer. We figured I drove over 500 miles during the 4 days of the race and I felt every little mile.

Tim and Kent had to race unranked since it was just the two of them. Despite that, they did a phenomenal job! They cleared 37 of the 40 checkpoints, which would have put them in 2nd place. I admit, I loved working with them. I've seen other teams crash under the pressure of no sleep and extreme physical exertion and treat their crew poorly, but these two were always kind and gracious, if not a little out of it at times :-) We all had those moments where the brain just wouldn't function the way we wanted.

The week ended with a quick jaunt into San Francisco and then it was back to Denver. I have a feeling it's going to take me a while to get back to normal. Despite that, I would do it again in a heart beat!

The final word on aha moment...

2009-11-11T19:30:00.006-07:00

I found out last week I was not one of the top 10 for the Mutual of Omaha Aha Moment. I was a little disappointed but have to admit I was more thrilled that I won the Flip Video Camera for being in the top 25.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I got a phone call from the marketing agency that is working with Mutual of Omaha. I was quite surprised to find out that they still wanted to use my moment! I then got a confirmation email from them:

Per our conversation this afternoon, while your aha moment wasn’t among the top vote-getters in last month’s online survey, Mutual of Omaha thinks your story is so incredible that they would love to feature it in their 2010 nationwide TV ad campaign!

We’ll be in touch with additional details shortly, but in the meantime, thank you again for sharing your moment with us! The launch of the aha moment campaign in 2009 truly has been an amazing experience and it’s because of people like you.

So, you will now be able to see yours truly on television beginning in January. I should know the schedule soon and will post it as soon as I get it.

too much stuff...

2009-11-02T23:08:00.003-07:00

I've spent the past 4 hours trying to stuff all my belongings into a gym bag and backpack. It was at the end of those 4 hours that I realized I hadn't packed any shoes. Does this give you any idea of how scatter brained I am right now? Too much to do, so little time.

If you didn't read my last post, I'll update you on why I'm packing. I am heading to California to provide support for a team in the 4 day Gold Rush Adventure Race. The race starts Thursday morning near Yosemite and ends Sunday afternoon. If you would like to track how my team is doing (their name is Almost Semi Pro), go to http://www.trackme360.com/goldrush/ beginning Thursday and you'll see each teams progress live. It should be a great week!

See you all next week!

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple

2009-10-22T20:08:00.010-06:00

I found out this week that my little 15 minutes of fame has continued for a bit longer than I expected. My Aha Moment made it to the final round of voting! A BIG thanks to all of you who voted for the first round and you are more than welcome to vote again at http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/voting?id=8443. If I'm in the top 10, it will be on television in 2010.

Oh, and the title? Attributed to the always wise Dr. Seuss. I like it, it fits my life on so many levels right now. I have lots of complicated questions running through my mind, now I would like to know where I can get those 'simple' answers?

(I was going to write more but I'm so tired that I just fell asleep at my computer. I think it's time to head to bed - you can hear more of my ramblings another day).

i took this little test at Oprah.com...

2009-10-15T21:36:00.012-06:00

and this is what it said about me.

YOU ARE STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS
You are an adventurer: Action-oriented, curious, outgoing, and often technically gifted, you live for new experiences. You are drawn to risk-taking and aren't afraid to fail. (yup, that's me) Generally restless, you tend to job-hop or choose a field that offers constant novelty. (so not me - I've had 3 jobs in the past 20 years - I stay put) If you had to name your favorite place, it might be the center of attention—you're a born entertainer, (uhm, no!) and can easily adapt to any audience. While you collect many acquaintances, you're less likely to develop deep, committed relationships. (this use to be true, but no longer. I work hard at my relationships)

What to watch out for: When you can't satisfy your thirst for variety and excitement, you may see yourself as trapped, which can lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior—drinking, drugs, breaking off relationships, ditching financial responsibilities. (true sometimes and something I am working on. Not the drugs or alcohol aspect, but food has always been my drug.) Try to find value in some traditions; if you learn to appreciate repetitive experiences, you won't always feel the urge to bust free. And when a new opportunity thrills you, keep in mind that just because it sounds exciting, that doesn't mean it's good for you. (this last sentence should probably be on my refrigerator).

Looking ahead: Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, (done that) exploring the polar ice caps,(not quite, but want to) getting a degree in dance therapy (I'm a horrible dancer), or becoming an astronaut. (ohh, I hadn't thought of that one!) It might also mean reading new books (I haven't finished a book in over 4 years - I start them, get close to the end, and forget about them - can you say ADD), attending workshops (love learning!), or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance (I do love that). As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur.(oh, that is so NOT me, except for the energy part) You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going. (not really, yes, and yes)

Oprah knows me much better than I thought she did - very impressive since I thought she would still be mad at me for my Aha Moment. I see a reconciliation in the future. But first, I need to go find the stack of books I haven't finished and read them to the very end. Of course, I would have to start them all over again since I won't remember much, which means I have to sit down and read for longer than a few hours...

Where's my bike?

a reason to lose it...

2009-10-01T19:48:00.008-06:00

...that's the title they gave me for my Aha Moment 'Commercial' and I kind of like it.

This is my round about way of saying that voting has begun!

Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out this post and this post about my experience.

Voting takes place until Oct. 15, when the top 25 will be decided (did I mention that if I get the top 25, I win a flip video camera? did I also mention that I REALLY WANT THAT CAMERA!!??) Then the top 25 move on to the finals and voting begins again - the top 10 will be featured in their nationwide commercials.

Here's the link to my newly edited aha moment - http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/voting?id=8443. Make sure to take a few moments and check out the other semi-finalists - there are some amazing stories!

guys getting chicked...

2009-09-25T16:37:00.007-06:00

I love this article! I know I will never get to 'chick' anyone (unless I get lucky and pass a 90 year old man. And honestly, how many 90 year olds do you see mountain biking?), but it sure is fun hearing these stories.

What does a girl have to do if she wants marriage proposals, arm-wrestling contests, shock-and-awe accolades, and (sadly) trail blocking and really strange behavior? Simple: Pass a guy on the trail or in a race. If you’re the dude being passed, you just got chicked.

http://outside-blog.away.com/blogs/2009/09/getting-chicked.html

A couple of my favorite stories:

From Rebecca Tomaszewski
A lot of guys get weird about being chicked, but I had one dude point out that he’d rather look at my rear than his buddies, and that he’d rather get passed on a bike than beaten in arm wrestling!

From Sarah Kaufman
When I lived in San Francisco I used to go for mountain bike rides in Golden Gate Park. The singletrack is really fun and there are some flowy sections that you can really rail. I remember once flying around a corner and ending up in an impromptu homeless camp. There were about five homeless guys sitting around completely wasted (on who knows what). They immediately began shouting and slurring, but really encouraging things, like: “You gooooo girrrrrrl!” Priceless.

My aha moment... again!!

2009-09-21T19:52:00.010-06:00

I think this is a record, two posts in one day. However, something happened that was too exciting not to share. I got the following email today about my Aha Moment:

Congratulations! Your story has been selected as one of the semi-finalists. Your aha moment will appear alongside 74 others on http://www.ahamoment.com/vote, where visitors to the site will have the chance to vote for their favorites.

The first round of voting will begin on October 1st and continue through October 15th. After the first round, the top-25 vote getters will win a Flip video camera and move on to the final round of voting, which will end on October 31st. The top 10 favorite aha moments will be featured in Mutual of Omaha’s 2010 nationwide TV ads, which will begin airing early next year.

I was stunned when I first read this, with the inevitable tears following. I can't explain it but this whole process has had me in tears most of the time. Maybe it's the whole reliving that moment, maybe it's just the realization of what I have accomplished... I'm not sure. It seems that me talking about my aha moment has become a sort of aha moment itself - kind of ironic.

I'll post the link of where to vote on Oct. 1st - you are more than welcome to vote. And if you feel mine was the best moment, then please feel free to vote for me :-) At this point it doesn't matter, I'm just thrilled to be part of it!

Here's my moment, in case you didn't see it before. http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/6804

sweet dreams...

2009-09-14T22:04:00.017-06:00

Come, Sleep; O Sleep! the certain knot of peace.
The baiting-place of wit, the balm of woe,
The poor man's wealth, the prisoner's release,
Th' indifferent judge between the high and low;

I'm writing this at 10 pm, which before the trip was my usual bedtime. Not anymore; my body is saying it is still 8 pm, while my mind is screaming "it's time for bed!" I truly wish the two would call a truce, it has been a bit exhausting. Imagine what I would be like if I traveled to my beloved England - I shudder to think!

One good thing has come out of having all this extra time; I am super organized and getting TONS done. Have 1000's of emails you need a response to? I'm your gal!! Organize, upload and label 100's of pics? No problem. Finish the piles of laundry, volunteer as meet director for an orienteering meet, see old friends, get piles of work done? Done. Blog about your trip?... oh wait, I haven't done that yet, have I? Well, 6 out of 7 isn't bad.

It seems the one thing I can't do is write about my trip. I've started many times, only to get sidetracked and end up blogging about something else. I just can't seem to put my experience into words. Everyone knows that Alaska has beautiful scenery, that's a given. But what about the abstracts? The low hanging clouds that made me feel that heaven was trying to reach down and touch me. The independent yet giving spirit I saw in those who live there. The kindness of strangers and fellow travelers who shared the awe of the scenery around us. All of these contributed to make the trip a great time.

I guess if you asked me what the highlight was, it wouldn't necessarily be the scenery but the people I shared it with. My mom and aunt, who put up with me running all over the ship to see as much of the scenery as possible. The charming and fun Eric, who shared my love of the outdoors and teamed up with me to become Scavenger Hunt Champions (woohoo)! Eric's daughter Elizabeth who was one of the lucky ones to swim by the glaciers and shared with me the most amazing desserts ever created. (seriously, you have never seen a table like this dessert table - it was amazing!) Bob and Lori and their kids Tessa and Andrew, a fun family from Vancouver who were always smiling and laughing! Susan, my fun tram riding/hiking friend who loved to talk and regaled me with hilarious stories (such as how she was traveling with her ex-husband - that's a story for another time). Lots of others who I may not have gotten a name from, but memorable all the same. Everyone made it a wonderful memory.

I did take quite a few pictures which, due to my insomnia, are very well organized and labeled. If you really want to see all of them, you can take a look below.

I guess I've broken the old writer's block - now let's see if I can actually sleep.

run forest run... but can you go a little faster?

2009-09-11T11:52:00.011-06:00

My trip to Alaska was quite eye opening, but probably not in the way you would expect. I was able to keep up with my running and exercise quite easily and was shocked to find myself moving rather quickly during my hikes and runs. I was fast!!

Anyone who has exercised or climbed or raced with me knows this is a big deal - I am not, in any way shape or form, fast. I always warn anyone I'm with that I will most likely slow them down.

But I found that during the trip I was moving uber fast! As in 'leaving everyone behind in the dust' fast. It was so much fun! After much thought and deliberation, I think I finally figured out why... the combination of altitude (Alaska is at about sea level to 2500 feet) and asthma.

I have been struggling with my asthma quite a bit this summer, especially since my race in July. And running is particularly painful - I last about 1 mile (at a painfully slow speed) before I have to slow to a walk. I just can't breath. When I'm hiking, I have to stop every 10 minutes or so to catch my breath. While I know I'm in shape, this has definitely made me question it. I've lived in Colorado all my life, why is altitude such a problem now?

But in Alaska? I FLEW over those trails - a 2.5 mile, 2000 foot climb up a mountain was easy. I could run for 5 miles and not even feel it. So that is how it feels to be fast? I LOVED it!

The question is, how can I get to that point here at the altitude of 7500? My first thought was to not even try, pack all my belongings and move to Alaska. How can you not love a state that has beautiful mountains and seas/ocean, low altitude and no snakes (did you know Alaska has no reptiles in the state?) Why not move?

Then I'm reminded of the whole "no sunlight in winter/100 feet of snow" aspect to Alaska and I rethink that. I have instead come up with a plan that will, hopefully, work.

1. Meet with my asthma Dr. - I have an appt this Tuesday to reevaluate my meds. They just aren't workin.

2. Lose weight - I gained some weight this winter and just haven't gotten it all off yet. Need to work a little harder at that.

3. Keep on running! If it means I have to modify my running for a while, do it.

4. If that doesn't work, go back to the "move to Alaska" option. Or anyplace that has low altitude.. hawaii, washington, california, etc all sound good to me. Anyone know of another place that has large mountains, ocean, low altitude and no snakes?

If this works, you may find me winning races! Well, maybe not winning, but at least placing in a respectable spot.

two weeks later and my aha moment

2009-09-09T13:17:00.007-06:00

I have returned from the Last Frontier! It was a great 2 weeks, saw scenery that would make anyone's jaw drop and wildlife in abundance. I plan on doing a post this weekend, there is much to tell and show!

While I was gone I got a notice that my moment in the sun, the Aha Moment, had been posted on their website. And as promised, here it is http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/6804 I haven't heard anything about being chosen for the commercial, but it doesn't matter much - it was nice to be asked to do it and I had a great time!

And remember the gal I met at the taping? Her Aha Moment is up as well http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/6799

Out the door...

2009-08-27T13:45:00.003-06:00

and heading to my next adventure... ALASKA! I'm spending 2 weeks hiking, kayaking, biking and lots of other fun stuff! Can you tell from all my !!! that I'm excited!!

I'll post all about it when I get back - I'm sure I'll have lots of pics to bore you with.

Oprah would be so disappointed

2009-08-24T21:35:00.007-06:00

I got an interesting email last week. In short, it was from Mutual of Omaha regarding their "Aha Moment Campaign." They had found my blog and thought I would be a good candidate to share an aha moment on video. I've got to admit, I was skeptical. It don't often get emails like this and my first thought was that this was one of those marketing schemes. You know the ones where they trick you into coming to a "meeting" and then start with "for only 5 payments of $299, you too can tap into the vast resources that will make you a millionaire" (what can i say, I'm a skeptic at heart). So I did what any resourceful gal would do and did a search on google. I was pleased to find that this was a legitimate request! (check out their website - http://www.ahamoment.com/) (in my googling I also found an interesting story on Oprah and how upset she was that Mutual of Omaha 'stole' the 'Aha Moment' from her - come on Oprah, don't you own enough of the world already?)

So today I found myself at the Garden of the Gods Visitor Center, filling out a consent form and trying to make myself look presentable. I had spent the entire morning practicing what I was going to say, basically a condensed version of what I have talked about on the blog, concentrating on my goal of doing an adventure race (for a quick overview, check out my first post.)

As I was waiting for my turn, I started to watch a live monitor of the person currently being taped. She seemed familiar to me, so I asked who it was. It was a pleasant surprise to find out it was a writer and blogger that I read often! On top of that, she also has done some orienteering with the same group I do. What a small, small world! It was a pleasure to meet her - check out her blog, which I highly recommend http://www.barbarasamuel.com/blog/

After saying goodbye to my new writer friend, it was my turn to share my moment. It went surprisingly well - they made me feel very comfortable, I really felt like I was sharing with a friend, not a camera. My big fear was that I would break down in tears, since every time I practiced I was inevitably weepy. I am happy to report that not one tear was shed!

My moment will be posted on their website in the next week. There is a possibility of it being chosen for one of their commercials. Even if I'm not chosen, it was great fun. And a good reminder of how far I have come and all that I have learned. Plus, I made a new friend - all and all, a successful day!

The good, the bad, and the... well, you know

2009-08-08T19:36:00.015-06:00

I've spent the last 2 weeks sleeping. That's it, just sleeping. Why? Well, I competed in a little adventure race and since I ran about 10 miles, biked 30 and kayaked 10, I was a little tired.

Seriously, I am surprised at how long it has taken me to recover. I was a zombie the week after, but surprisingly not too sore. Which is a change from last year, when I was sore all over; this year, when i had trained less and was a few pounds heavier... not bad. Can someone please explain that to me?

So, how did the actual race go? As you might have guessed from the title, it was a mix of different emotions.

The Good:
1. Seeing/Meeting adventure racing friends: what I love most about AR are the people. I have never met such an amazing group of warm and encouraging people in my life. The team from Utah who were running their first race; the organizers of the race (who I just adore!); my friends the Gypsy Chix, who rock as an all-girl team; the young and fast Ryan who beat everyone but did it with a big smile on his face. Just a cool group of people.

2. Kayaking: My 1st goal was to be much faster in the kayaking section (I was SLOWW last year and so last place it was embarrassing). This year, I rented an amazing sea kayak (the section was all on lake) and whizzed by everyone!

3. Overall time: My 2nd goal was to have a better time than last year. Despite some penalties (I'll explain more in the "bad" section) I was 2 hours faster than last year. Not bad.

The Bad:
1. Penalties: I missed a lot of the checkpoints during the Bike-O (basically orienteering on a bike). It wasn't because I didn't know where they were, it was more about how I suck on the bike. I missed 3 of them, which had :30 minute penalties for each one missed.

2. Sick: I, once again, had problems with feeling sick through the entire race. I run low on potassium normally, but get me out there racing and it really affects me. I took lots of electrolyte pills, which helped some, but I still struggled. I don't know how to resolve this one.

3. Weather: I didn't get to do the final leg, the Mountain biking section, due to weather. You would think I would be happy about that, right? I wasn't. It kind of sucked and I got 2 more penalties due to missing those 2 checkpoints. *&$%# weather.

The Ugly:
1. My mountain biking skills... enough said.

Despite meeting my two goals of a faster overall time and kayaking time, I still was disappointed. I had emailed a friend and told him about the race and his observation was interesting:

What I found missing from your experience below is that last year you wrote about the beauty around you, which I took to be presence in the moment. Perhaps this year you took less time to "smell the proverbial roses"? And it became more of a foot race?

He said it all with that one comment. I seemed to have lost my perspective and kept thinking about how slow I was, how I couldn't keep up, etc. It made it a not-so-fun experience.

Despite that, I still enjoyed the weekend. The big finale was dinner at an old friends house, a friend I haven't seen since college. It was great to get caught up and see how her life has turned out (very happily!)

So, what am I going to do next? I think I'm going to spend time on my running. I have been so caught up in getting better on my bike that I haven't been running and honestly, I love to run. It just clears my head like nothing else. I might even try to run a 1/2 marathon in November... we'll see.

A Quick Hello...

2009-07-23T23:37:00.004-06:00

This weekend has crept up on me quite unexpectedly. I'm getting ready for my first adventure race of the year on Saturday (a 12 hour/50-60 mile race) and I feel slightly unprepared. Compared to last year when I was in the best shape ever, this year not so much. I'm just hoping I don't collapse in the middle of the course. How embarrassing would that be?

Surprisingly, I feel more prepared to push it than I was last year. Last year was just a test to see if I could actually race for 12 hours - I was SLOW! This year I have the disadvantage of being sick the past few months, however I feel more mentally prepared to push myself. I'm gonna have to tap into that, because my body is definitely not as tough!

I should have pictures next week, so be on the lookout for an update on my crazy day

camping/outdoor 'tips' and interesting tidbits...

2009-07-16T20:03:00.010-06:00

Our local paper, the Gazette, totally rocks when it comes to any type of outdoor reporting. I just found this gem on their website - good info with a touch of 'the funny.' Below is a paragraph from the article - I am going to tell all my guy friends about this. Then I'm going to make sure my mom reads it - maybe she'll worry more about my brother than me :-)

THREAT NO. 1: THE Y CHROMOSOME

This tiny tangle of DNA that separates the men from the women is the most dangerous thing in the backcountry. It makes the hairier gender do really dumb things, such as climb mountains in thunderstorms, ski avalanche-prone slopes, and say things like, “Get a picture of me trying to ride this mountain goat.” Statistically, having the Y chromosome makes men three times more likely than women to be injured in the outdoors, and eight times more likely to be killed, according to a study by the Colorado Department of Public Health. Just to round things out, guys are also five times more likely to be killed biking, seven times more likely to be killed kayaking and 17 times more likely to be killed by an avalanche. The Y chromosome may also be a factor in Threat No. 2.

Best defense: Listen to your lady friend.

run forest run!

2009-07-15T21:16:00.008-06:00

My sister-in-law likes to say this to me, all because of this story. In my quest for fitness and health, one of the biggest surprises has been the discovery that I love running. Really surprising, as in my-HS-gym-teacher-would-most-likely-suffer-a-heart-attack-if-she-knew kind of surprising.

I can't explain why i love it so much, especially since during most of my runs I can't breathe, my legs ache and I feel like quitting long before it's suppose to end. But then there are those other times, the ones where I feel that high that other runners always talk about. It hasn't happened often, but I remember them vividly. It's kind of like a bad relationship - you know it's bad 99% of the time, but you always come back to that 1% that was good and that convinces you to stay. The only difference... running is good for you.

I am happy to say that I have, once again, made up with running and we are now embarking on a new, albeit slightly different relationship. It's not easy and there have been many tears and lots of pain, but I'm feeling pretty good about our prognosis. I'll make sure and keep you up to date on our progress. Let's hope it's all good!

A New Goal

2009-06-19T22:08:00.014-06:00

I've heard about 24 hour mtb races - one of my friends from adventure race camp has run quite a few, winning most of them (what else can you expect from a bad ass like Jari - she beats all the guys too!). But the thought of actually doing one of these races? Last week = 0 probability. This week = absolutely possible!

The 24 Hour ERock MTB Race is what changed my mind. I found out that the race course is a trail I ride all the time, and one I can do REALLY WELL!!! And then I found out they allow teams to race and I thought "that means I will only have to ride every few hours!!" On top of that, the race isn't until next June - I have 11 months to train! My mind has been working overtime with the realization that I could actually do this, a 24 hour bike race. And you know what happens when I put my mind to something? I don't give up too easily.

I've already convinced two people to join my team (my brother and a friend, who, by the way, thinks I'm crazy but will never admit he likes that about me). Just need to find one more person and we are all set!

I am now obsessed with thoughts of a race that is almost a year away.

It could be a long year.

http://www.elephantrockride.com/24_index.html

Seriously??!!

2009-06-12T23:12:00.005-06:00

I discovered something amazing today... that my bike has gears. Lots of them. And when I use those gears, hills become a whole lot easier. And when hills are easier, I am a much faster and happier rider.

I know it seems crazy that I'm saying this NOW, after having spent the past year racing and riding and, of course, falling. But from the first time I got on a bike last year, gears were the most frustrating and difficult skill to learn. I just couldn't figure it out and usually ended up walking my bike for much of the trail.

However, that all changed today - I FINALLY got it! I headed out to another one of my favorite trails, one that has climb after climb after climb. It exhausted me last year and I never once made it up all those hills without some walking. Not today, I zoomed up all the hills, no problem, changing gears all over the place! I just can't believe what a difference it made.

To think I could have been doing this all along... that thought slightly depresses me.

self diagnosing is never a good idea

2009-06-04T20:13:00.008-06:00

It all started last month when I began experiencing odd stomach pains. Well, not so much odd as mind numbingly painful. This after having spent the previous months nursing every $#&^% type of injury imaginable. The stomach pains were an unwelcome guest, kind of like if one of my scary relatives decided to visit.

After some research of my own and talking to my Dr, 'we' (read: I) were pretty sure it was gallbladder. Took all the tests and guess what? They all came back negative. My very reasonable Dr. decided that another option would be an ulcer. Seems rational, right? I didn't see it that way. Me and my very respectable degree from webmd.com said it had to be gallbladder, why didn't everyone else see this??

The Dr. gave me free samples of some meds and I reluctantly started taking them, all along thinking that this will not work... of course it won't work... no way am I wrong.

A couple of weeks later and I felt like a new person. Anyone else would realize that was a good thing, right? Sure (Have I mentioned that I have a Welsh background? And that the Welsh, and in particular my family, are known for being stubborn?) That whole stubborn thing was in particularly good form and I decided that I didn't need to take the meds anymore - I just knew it was my gallbladder!

Fast forward to today. After spending the afternoon writhing in pain on the floor of my office, I am now ready to relinquish my oh so distinguished med degree and admit I was... ahem... wrong. I am back on the meds and nursing my pains... and ego.

So, that's been my week. How has yours been?

Sugar is Evil

2009-05-18T18:56:00.011-06:00

I found this blog last night, all about one woman's journey to spend a year without sugar (http://myyearwithout.blogspot.com/) and it got me thinking about the past few years and my journey to better health. Of all the food that I have the hardest time with, it's always been sugar. The first year of my weight loss I ate NO sugar, not a drop. As a result, I could no longer claim the prize of "moody girl." It really did help in not just my moods, but my energy levels and overall health. I felt amazing!

Sadly, I introduced sugar back into my diet last year and it has been a slow decline since then. My moods are back, I'm having stomach problems (I credit it with causing some of my gallbladder problems lately) and of course, I've gained weight. I'm just now beginning to realize how addicting sugar is. The question is, how do I deal with it?

I've been debating different ideas, which mostly involves cutting sugar either drastically out of my diet or completely. The whole "completely" idea freaks me out a bit - I LOVE chocolate and the thought of not eating it sends me into panic mode! But then I remind myself of how good I felt that 'sugarless' year and that gives me motivation to make those changes.

Will I completely shut out sugar? I don't know, it seems awfully drastic. But I do need to make some changes, I'm tired of how I have been feeling and reading this ladies blog has been an inspiration.

Adversity

2009-05-10T23:24:00.007-06:00

"So much of the growth we experience in this sport (Adventure Racing) (and life?) we learn from the challenges and difficulties we face; 'Adversity introduces you to yourself.'

It’s through facing this adversity that we find out what our limits are, often only to realize that we are capable of more than we thought. If we don’t push our limits, how do we ever grow and get better?

Yes, there is often (almost always, actually) some pain involved, but suffering is optional… it doesn’t have to be fun to be fun! As the mountaineers say, 'it isn’t always fun, but it beats growing up!'"

From Funtastics Adventure Racing Team Blog

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

2009-05-05T21:58:00.009-06:00

Actually, I should title this the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad WINTER. I have had no end of bad luck lately - sprained ankle, thrown back (twice), the mother of all flu bugs, and now it looks like gall bladder surgery is most likely in my very near future (which would explain A LOT of why I've felt like crap lately).

I wish I could say that I have handled all my set backs with grace and patience, but that would be a lie... a BIG lie. I have been whiny, grumpy and depressed. And I am all-together tired of my whiny and grumpy self. The question is, how do I get myself out of this funk? I don't know, but I'm working on it.

As usual, I have found a video that, despite my funk, made me laugh. Laugh really loudly. here it is... enjoy.

A Grand Obsession

2009-04-01T20:35:00.011-06:00

It all started back in September when I was in Moab. I was there for an expedition adventure race and the team I was with convinced me that a great way to keep in touch (they all live in San Francisco) was through Facebook. I thought "great, a way to keep in touch with these wonderful new friends." So I joined and the next day left on the great adventure of a 4 day race.

After 4 days of traveling around the Moab wilderness and having little to no contact with the outside world, I returned to civilization to find a zillion facebook friend requests - A ZILLION I TELL YA!! Quite the shock to find that people outside of my little group of San Francisco friends had found me. How did that happen? And honestly, how did I get this many friends??!!

I now blame my San Fran friends for introducing me to this new obsession, which has taken over my entire life. I have found and been found by friends that I haven't seen since my primary school years, or college, or even my previous jobs. And I can't get enough of it... my thoughts are consumed with who has updated their status updates or what celebrity they are most like or who posted their 25 Random Things list and heaven forbid that I miss reading that list! It's exhausting and I blame my insomnia on this new and grand obsession.

In all my searching and posting and poking, I found this video. And I laughed, laughed at my own obsession and because I love to share funny stuff, I decided to share it here. Because sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.

And then there is Twitter... but I'll leave that obsession for another post. Besides, I haven't updated my status in over an hour - I have some work to do!

the need to connect

2009-03-07T22:05:00.013-07:00

It was a year ago that I began this blog, all because I had decided to follow a dream and run my first adventure race. Looking back at this year, I realize I far exceeded even my own expectations. I've already written, in detail, about my amazing year, so I'm not going to make you suffer through it again. But I never in a million years could have foreseen what changes would take place in my life over the past year.

The changes in me physically are easy to see - losing 200 pounds can do that. But there have been other, more profound changes that aren't as noticeable. Sometimes I even have a hard time seeing it, which isn't a big surprise given my past (and all too present) self-esteem issues. It's always been easier for me to focus on my faults than my strengths.

What it comes down to is this... people make all the difference. More specifically, the people in my life have made a difference. For many years I lived in a very limited world of my own making - it was safe and secure and, well, boring. I had great friends but I kept them at arms length, not wanting anyone to disrupt my little utopia. I let my weight and insecurities rule my life and in the process I missed out on so much.

Now? My utopia bubble has been burst and I am left to deal with all the messy and glorious humanness that is a part of life. And while it makes life so much more difficult, it is unbelievably rewarding. My old friends have stood by me through all my ups and downs; my new friends have accepted me and all my quirks and challenged me to be a better version of myself. While my belief in myself is sometimes lacking, I know that I can tap into any of my friends and they will see things in me that I don't see myself. And isn't that what relationships are about - helping each other become the very best we can be? I am grateful and humbled by all of my friends faith in me and hope I am able to give back as much as I have been given.

Who would have thought that my 'little dream' would become the catalyst for so much change in my life? No one is more surprised than me.

I heart San Diego

2009-02-14T22:37:00.007-07:00

I got off the plane and immediately striped off my coat, threw on some flip flops and from then on, I was in love.

I've never been a summer person, my weight made any temperature above 70 a fairly miserable experience. But since I've lost the weight I have gained a great appreciation for the sun and warm temperatures that, unfortunately, are not happening in Colorado at this time. I wore flip flops in February!! How could you not love that?!

I spent the week working at a conference so my time outside was limited. But there was so much more to the week than just work and being in the warm sun:

- Spending time with my old and dear friend Kathy, who came as a volunteer - I can't remember the last time we got to spend this much time along together (it was probably way back in college!) but it was so nice to sit and chat about everyday stuff. I am one lucky gal to have such an amazing friend.

- Spending a glorious hour at the beach, where I got to walk barefoot in the sand, get soaking wet and flirt with a cute Italian.

- Meeting some kindred spirits in Joel and Kristen, a lovely couple that made me laugh and think, all at the same time. Those are the best kind of friends!

- Eating fresh fruit that actually tasted good! (that just isn't possible here in Colorado in the winter).

- Meeting and interviewing Phil Vischer (my creative hero)

The downside to this week? Having to come back to cold and snowy Colorado. Anyone know of a cheap, beach side property in San Diego that I could rent for a few months?

Hmmm.....

2009-01-31T17:49:00.004-07:00

“Exercise is done against one’s wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse.”

-George Sheenan

I need some serious motivation right now so I'm going to put this up where I can see it everyday.

The alternative to no exercise? Not even worth thinking about.

25 Random Things

2009-01-26T22:15:00.007-07:00

I was tagged on Facebook for this and had such a fun time writing it I thought I would share it here. :-)

1. I love to watch Blues Clues (despite having no kids)

2. My all-time favorite show is Northern Exposure and I have all the episodes on VHS

3. Growing up I wanted to be a lawyer

4. Now that I am grown up, I don't want to be anything but a ski/mountain/beach bum

5. My dad is my hero

6. The best job I ever had was working in a yogurt shop in college

7. I hate to admit this, but I saw Barry Manilow in concert...2 times. I'm such a geek.

8. Along that same line, I saw Village People in concert when I was 12 years old - I had no idea what the whole "YMCA" thing really meant. (no comments please)

9. I redeemed myself by seeing Elton John 4 years later - much cooler.

10. Even though I grew up in Colorado, I didn't climb my first 14er until I was 41. (hey, I just realized that my age then is 14 backwards - cool!)

11. I love Peanut Butter!

12. I also love popcorn (but not with Peanut Butter, although that's not a bad idea -hmmmm...)

13. I hate to Mountain Bike (yet I keep riding the damn thing) which brings me to my next random thing...

14. I'm a gluten for punishment

15. I'm an extrovert (big surprise, I know)

16. I take tons of vitamins

17. I hate wind - really, really hate it.

18. My family loves going to sporting events, everything from Denver Broncos, Air Force Falcons, etc. It's our bonding time.

19. When I was 14 I won the state championship in doubles bowling

20. One time in HS I was late to school because our house got hit by a hot air balloon - nobody at school believed me.

21. I had a huge crush on Donnie Osmond when I was growing up. those purple socks...

22. I stopped taking naps when I was 9 months old (my poor mother)

23. I really was a terrible 2's kid (I did things like eat tobacco, drink gasoline, scream till I was blue in the face, etc... (again, my poor mother)

24. My brother was the perfect 2 year old since all he did was follow me around and watch me get into trouble.

25. I'm addicted to the internet (long before Al Gore 'invented' it)

4 days in a row

2009-01-19T21:00:00.005-07:00

You can tell I have more time on my hands, can't you? My blog went from barely one post a month to 4 days in a row - I LOVE having free time!

todays workout: walked for about 30 minutes then did strength training for about an hour. this new program is whipping my butt but i know I'll see a difference soon.

Something kind of cool I saw on a friends site so i thought i would do it here...

2008 Trips
Moab, UT - 2 trips
Salt Lake City, UT
Rifle, CO
Breckenridge, CO
Leadville, CO
Telluride, CO
Kremmling, CO
Gunnison, CO
Ouray, CO
Great Sand Dunes, CO
Buena Vista, CO - 2 trips
Lake City, CO - 3 trips
Denver, CO - too many times to even list
Albuquerque, NM
Fenton Lake, NM
Amarillo, TX
San Antonio, TX

How in the world did I have enough time to visit all these places????

a lucky gal

2009-01-18T19:38:00.009-07:00

I was thinking yesterday about the past year, in particular how fortunate I am to have added so many amazing friends to my already blessed life. I never would have imagined how much my life would change in just one year (actually, I've been in a perpetual state of change for a few years now so I guess I shouldn't be surprised).

Jerry and Linda - I met them at Adventure Race camp in the spring. We were all extreme newbies to this thing called adventure racing and on the first day were put in the beginners group for mountain biking (I'm talking BEGINNERS group - so much so that they split the three of us into a separate group with our instructor because we were going a little too slow). We bonded that weekend and ended up running our first race together down in Albuquerque a couple of months later. They are an amazing couple who I inspire to emulate in my own relationships. I remember meeting them in Lake City this summer to climb Handies Peak. We were to meet at a local restaurant and as I was walking up to the restaurant I got a glimpse of them in the window. They didn't look like a couple who had been married 25+ years, they looked like a couple on their first date. It gave me hope.

I also met Tim at adventure race camp. However, Tim was not a newbie to adventure racing - he had quite a bit of experience in all the disciplines and was there to get certification for the BIG race, Primal Quest. He was my partner for kayaking and impressed me with his patience and fun spirit. He was also an amazing instructor with such a great attitude and spirit. I got the chance to be support for a race he did in Moab in September and even under those type of extreme circumstances, he still had the same peaceful and calm nature. When I think of Tim I imagine how I want to live my life... to the fullest. He lives that example every day.

Jari - what can't I say about her? I've talked about her quite a bit on this blog but I think it's hard to put into words her influence on my life. I met her that first day of AR camp, she was our mountain bike instructor and took me under her wing. She is a natural teacher who loves to challenge people to be their very best. Despite her busy schedule of traveling and racing, she has always had time to encourage and advise me and just be my friend. When I think of Jari I see a person who lives life exactly the way she wants, with no regrets.

Wendy and Melissa - I had kind of met Wendy at, you guessed it, AR camp. But I didn't get to know her very well until this past September when I did support for her at the Moab race (she was on Tim's team). I am so glad I met her! She is warm and friendly yet tougher than nails. She really struggled through parts of the race yet never gave up and I have a feeling it never even crossed her mind. I just loved spending time with her, she is one of those people I feel totally at ease with and love talking to.

I met Melissa at the Moab race, she was on the team with Tim, Wendy and Kent. Melissa is what you would call an "exuberant spirit." She is a constant source of encouragement and has the most upbeat attitude I have ever seen. I had mentioned that I had a fear of racing with people, mostly since I feel I hold them back with how slow I am. She squashed that immediately and has decided that I will racing my first 24 hour race with her - she wants me to get over my fears ASAP! I get emails from her all the time asking me when I want to race and I love her for that - she's not going to let me get away with wimping out (even though I have thought about it!). I just love her to death and can't wait to actually do a race with her.

I met Jody (who I unfortunately don't have a pic of) at my first orienteering weekend. It was actually a training weekend and we got paired up in the same training group. You know those type of people you immediately feel comfortable with? That's what it was like with her, I just felt like I had known her for years. We both bike and hike and went to many of the orienteering meets together. The great thing is we are pretty comparable when it comes to any types of sporting events, not too slow, not too fast, just right. Jody is so creative and despite enduring tough times the past years, she still plugs along at life, trying new things and putting one foot in front of the other. She has finally moved to Colorado full-time and I can't wait to spend more time with her!

I met Kim through my friend Glenn, they were both involved in the same singles group. We have slowly gotten to know each other and I now count her as one of my closest and dearest friends. Despite enduring incredible heartache in her short life, she never lets that stop her and has an amazing outlook on life. I have learned so much from her and can't even imagine my life without her.

Do you see a pattern here? All of these friends have a love for life that I admire and respect. I am so fortunate to have them in my life and count them all as an amazing addition to my already blessed life. Thank you to all of you for what you have been to me.

Some Group Hiking

2009-01-17T20:59:00.004-07:00

I spent the morning hiking at a local park, Palmer Park. I thought the hike would be pretty boring but it turned out to have some challenging parts, especially at the parts that had some snow leftover from last week. There were 18 of us and I ended up being the "rounder upper" - in other words, I went last so that if anyone had problems and slowed down, stopped, etc, I was there to help.

It was a pretty uneventful hike but I did get the chance to hike with a gal who had just set the goal to lose 100 pounds and this was her first hike. We took it nice and slow and I'm proud to say she made it up some pretty steep hills - a great start to her resolution!

So, that's my exercise for today - about 3 hours of hiking. Now I'm ready for bed, I'm tired.

accountability

2009-01-16T13:13:00.003-07:00

I've decided to post my workouts daily, more for me than anyone else. This will allow me to go back and track what I'm doing and how I'm progressing - I just realized that adventure race camp is only 3 months away and AR season begins soon after that - I need to be ready!

So, what was today's workout? It was a nice and long brick workout and a good way to spend the morning.

- ran 2 miles
- took a one hour spinning class (with one of my favorite teachers - she completely rocks!)
- 30 minutes of pilates class

Tonight is laser tag with some friends and I always work up a sweat when I do that, so I guess I can consider that hour as part of my exercise as well. Now if the snow would just melt on the trails I could get out and do some biking - I never thought I would say this, but I kind of miss my bike :-) (that, in itself, is a miracle)

A Break!

2009-01-16T07:28:00.005-07:00

After a crazy couple of months, I finally get a break (I even worked through Christmas and New Year - I haven't had a day off in a LONG time). I get a 4 day weekend and I plan on spending it outside - luckily the weather is suppose to be great, yeah!! I have a hike planned for tomorrow with some friends, hopefully a bike ride Sunday or Monday and maybe throw some snowshoeing in there as well. Funny how a break for me now means being active - a 4 day weekend use to mean a chance to sit on the couch and catch up on my tv shows - what a difference 3 years makes!

Just for fun I'm posting this youtube video - I try to watch it every now and then, it just makes me smile. I actually talked to my gym manager about him letting me do something like this with some of the treadmills and figure out how the heck they did it. He just smiled, shook his head and walked away - I guess that meant no.

the never ending quest for balance

2009-01-10T20:50:00.007-07:00

Isn't it amazing how life can change so quickly from one moment to the next? Just a few months ago I was spending my weekends in the mountains, camping or racing or biking, really just playing and having fun. Now all I've been doing is working, and working, and working some more. The outdoors are what I see when I drive to work.

Part of me is liking the change - I haven't immersed myself in work for a few years, haven't had a project that I was so into that you forget everything else. But I'm also a little uneasy about the change - I vowed to myself that I would not repeat the same mistakes I made in my last job and I can see those lines blurring. And in the process the balance that I worked so hard for is getting out of whack.

I know this is just a temporary change - work will get back to normal in a month. But if there is one thing I know about me is that I work with extremes - it's either all or nothing. Good example - my health. I either eat right AND workout, or do neither. It's part of the issue with my weight and something I have to work on everyday. If there is one thing I am proud of the past couple of months it is that I have stuck with my workout schedule despite not eating very well. But it's a daily struggle.

I was thinking the other day how much I miss life when I wasn't working - being laid off was one of the best things to ever happen to me. The year following that was the most balanced and amazing year of my life - I did and tried things I never dreamed I could do and discovered that someone's work does not define them. However, learning to have that balance working full-time is a completely different animal.

I know this post makes me seem a bit lost, but that's not necessarily the case. Right now I am exactly where I am suppose to be - that is very clear to me. Yet life is never as easy as just 'following the rules', there are always the other factors that enter into the equation. And that's the part that I am struggling with - actually, that's the part I always struggle with.

A few months from now things will likely change again, that's just the way life is. The question is, will I be ready for it? Will I embrace it as I have most of the other changes in my life? And will I find balance with the change? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Oh, but I'll always want to work at REI - that will NEVER CHANGE!

A long overdue update

2008-11-27T19:54:00.007-07:00

I just realized it's been almost a month since I posted - yikes! No excuse really, just been working more and have suddenly become the social butterfly. My calendar has been packed with time with friends & family, AFA basketball games, work and working out... enough to keep me very busy!

My running is coming along very nicely - the initial 2 weeks were tough but I'm up to running 2 miles fairly easily and should be ready for the Pikes Peak Road Runners Winter Series in January. It starts with a 5k, two weeks later will be a 4 mile race, then 2 weeks later a 5 mile race and the final race will be a 10k. It's a pretty quick turn around for preparing but I have remembered something the past month... I love to run! Part of it is the way my head clears up when I run - I forget everything in my day and as a result it's a great stress release. But what I really love is how I can see improvement each day. I love to feel like I am accomplishing something, moving forward, and I definitely feel that way when I run. (I definitely don't feel that on my bike!)

As for those goals I set last month, I've been sticking to them pretty well. I'm back to a rhythm in my workouts, my eating is much better and my asthma, well... it's a work in progress. I FINALLY have insurance so i will be able to afford my meds and that will help tremendously. But in the process I am learning to concentrate on my breathing and figuring out ways to take deeper breaths while I run. Not easy, but good practice for future races.

So it seems that, after my initial funk, I have adjusted to my non-traveling/non-racing schedule pretty well. I have a pretty busy December-February due to work, then I get to look forward to a return to Adventure Race camp in April, and then it's back to racing again in May. I have already seen 4 races I want to run in Colorado, one in New Mexico, and of course a 24 hour race in California with some adventure race friends who live out there (my first 24 hour race! CAN'T WAIT!). It seems like it's so far away, yet I know it will creep up pretty quickly.

that's it for now - hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Dancin' on my Bike

2008-10-31T15:28:00.002-06:00

I love my spinning class.

I'm just saying.

A Better Week

2008-10-26T20:47:00.010-06:00

It's been a good week - I've stuck to my resolutions, for the most part, and feel a little more balanced. My goals this week? To keep it up - it's easy to stick to goals for a week, much harder to do it for a few months. We'll see how it goes.

After a good week, I was pretty happy to be looking forward to a fun and busy weekend. Friday night was a Halloween Dance, where I got to dress up and spend the night dancing and dancing and dancing some more - we had an absolute blast!

However, the highlight of the weekend was the Pumpkin Carving Party I attended on Saturday. This was my first time carving a pumpkin but most of those at the party were seasoned vets and had planned some pretty elaborate carvings! The host of the party is an old friend of mine who has won numerous national competitions - he really is one of the most talented and detailed person I know - the picture below is of his pumpkin that won nationals last year. The details are unbelieveable!

I chose a pattern of a haunted house that I had seen in a book - ironically, this was the exact same pattern that Doug had created to win the competition last year! If you look at the picture of his winning pumpkin, you will notice a haunted house on the upper right corner. That was my pattern - the picture below is my carving - I didn't do half as good of a job as him!

The real highlight of the night was a multi-media light show, featuring all of the pumpkins that were carved that night and music composed and performed by Doug as well (yeah, I said he was talented). Doug had built a huge stand to display all of the pumpkins. I'm not even going to try to describe it - below is a short clip from the show so you can see if for yourself (my pumpkin is on the top).

I didn't win the competition, my friend Glenn took the top prize with a thanksgiving theme (pic below). But I certainly had a great time, pumpkin seeds and all.

I'm already planning for next year - maybe an adventure race theme is in order?

An Inspired Idea

2008-10-22T20:47:00.007-06:00

I found this blog a while back and just loved what this guy was doing. He has a somewhat similar story as me - he was out of shape and at a transitional place in his life, thus he decided to do something drastic to change things up. And so he did this...

"The 2008 resolution was this; Have at least one solo 24 hour adventure every month of the year."

He's done 24 hours on a bike, 24 hours on a mountain, and my favorite... 24 hours in a tree, and so on. AWESOME idea! Check out his blog for more on his adventures - 24 Hours of Kip

My mind is working overtime - what can I do for 24 hours??

A Major Funk

2008-10-18T21:29:00.021-06:00

I knew this would probably happen.

My spring/summer was amazing - I attended my first adventure race camp and learned how to mountain bike, rappel and white water kayak; I raced 4 adventure races, from 4-12 hours long; I ran my first running race, a 5 miler in the Garden of the Gods; I attempted to climb 3 fourteeners (I AM going back to climb those next year); rode 100's of miles of mountain bike trails that, most of the time, scared me to death; I climbed numerous sand dunes and had sand in places I never imagined; I camped and climbed and trained and laughed and spent wonderful hours with amazing people who have enriched my life and become dear friends; and I've seen places and scenery that would make anyone stand in awe at this amazing world we live in.

So it makes sense that, after such an amazing 6 months, I would feel a little lethargic and out of whack. Life has slowed considerably - no more races for me to train for, no more quick weekend camping trips, and so on. And while part of me is welcoming the slower pace, I'm also having a hard time adjusting to the change. And because of that, my schedule and usual discipline is all out of whack.

One thing I have discovered about me (well, more the "new me") is that I love warm weather (I hated it when I was big). We went for a ride last weekend in 30 degree weather and during that ride I made the big realization that I'm going to miss the warmth of summer and the longer days that allowed me to hike, ride and just enjoy being outside late into the day. The thought of moving to California kept crossing my mind during the ride, especially when I couldn't feel my all too numb fingers and toes. Miserable!

All this to say that I have been in a major funk the past few weeks and I am having a hard time getting past it. Today though I finally had enough and decided that since this mood wasn't going anywhere on it's on, I was going to help it move on to it's next victim. And I have a plan that I am going to post here and hope that by doing so it will help me stick with it.

Starting Monday I am going to get back to my morning workout schedule. I've been sleeping in and saying I would workout in the evenings, but it never happens. I just prefer to do it in the mornings, so I plan on working out every morning 6 days a week. Monday and Wednesday will be spinning class; Tuesday, Thursday and Friday will be running; I'll do 2 days of weight training and take a yoga class somewhere in there; and that leaves one day to do whatever I want, most likely bike or snowshoe or rock climb or whatever else might catch my fancy or work with the weather.

Along those same lines, I'm going to work on getting my asthma under control. Running is the main culprit, even with my medicine I have a hard time breathing when I run. But I really miss running and once my insurance kicks in (DECEMBER!!) I'll be working with my Dr. to get it under better control. I think this will help me all around - part of my slowness is the fear of having an attack if I push too hard. Need to work on that.

I also need to get back to eating much better. I've been letting old habits creep back into my life and I can tell a difference in how I feel. So, I'm going to start to log what I eat every day and make sure I eat good foods each day. The big thing... CUT BACK ON SUGAR!! This is a big problem area for me and I really need to watch this more than anything else. I'm really striving to have more balance in my life and this area is a particularly difficult one to maintain.

So, there it is... my plan. Not exactly life shatteringly original but if it works then that's all that matters. Here's to 6 months of a 'regular schedule.'

Quote of the Month

2008-10-09T23:37:00.006-06:00

"You man eating son of a … There was seven democrats in Hinsdale County and you ate 5 of them!"

Quote attributed to saloon keeper Larry Dolan after Alfred Packers first trial.

This quote was the highlight of the trip to Lake City last weekend - the infamous cannibal from the 1800's, Alfred Packer, is quite well known here in Colorado and when I read this quote on the placard near where his "meals" took place, I just had to share it. Seemed appropriate given the political climate!

Full Circle

2008-09-30T19:15:00.010-06:00

I've spent the last week in Moab, providing support for a team (Chasing Manhole Covers) during the Adventure Xstream Expedition race. Despite sleep deprivation and crazy weather, it was a great time!

The team was lead by a friend I made at camp back in March, Tim (also known as my terrific kayaking partner and just all around great guy). Also on the team were 2 other racers that attended the camp, Wendy and Kent. I didn't really get to know them back in March so I wasn't too sure what to expect. What I found was that Wendy is one of those people that you immediately feel comfortable around and is a blast to be around and talk to! Kent is a riot - a quiet guy that had a contagious laugh that would make me want to laugh right with him. Rounding out the 4 was the lovely Melissa from England who, in the middle of the race, would ask me how I was doing. I would say encouragement is her middle name. (oh, and she always has a smile on her face... always!)

The race began noon on Thursday and went until noon Sunday. It was quite the experience to be support for an expedition race - while you don't suffer like the racers, you definitely experience the same lack of sleep that they tend to go through. I figure I got about 7 hours the entire 3 days, while the team only got about 3-4. The first 2 days I got no sleep at all (it was either too hot or too crazy!) and was feeling it the second night - it hit me right in the middle of a long drive to the transition in the La Sal Mountains (not good when you have a 500 foot cliff along the side of the road!).

Since most of you don't follow adventure racing, let me give a little lesson on what support entails. Most races will have transition spots where the support crew meets the team and provides them with a place to change, eat and stock up on water and food for the next leg of the race or at times to sleep. My job was to make sure the transitions went smoothly and everything they needed was there and ready for them. I drove Tim's truck and trailer, which contained all their gear and lots of other fun stuff.

Despite suffering through high temps in the canyons (where many struggled with heat exhaustion) and snow in the mountains, the team did terrific! They finished the entire course, a first for all of them. They all faced their own challenges during the race; sleepmonsters, stomach problems, sickness and a few falls. Yet they struggled through and made it as a team to the finish line. They all are amazing but the women have given me even more reason to work hard for next season - they are an amazing inspiration to me! There was talk of me doing a race with them, maybe my first 24 hour one. I have to admit that while it scares the hell out of me, I would trust them completely for my first longer race. I think some of my remaining fears and insecurities would be challenged in a big way!

So, what's next? Some down time. I have a leg injury that I need to let heal and then I'm going to concentrate on my running again, something that has been lacking lately. I might even hire a trainer to help me get ready for next year. I'm really looking forward to the break.

It's my Birthday...

2008-09-18T18:41:00.010-06:00

and continuing with the tradition of the past 5 years, it has truly sucked. Nothing was as bad as last year when we were in Kansas to bury dad. Yeah, that one tops them as the absolute worst birthday ever. But today, well, was just no fun at all. Between my car breaking down (AGAIN!), a fall on my bike that has me downing some pretty good pain killers, deciding to shorten my trip to Moab (that totally sucks) and a whole bunch of other little things that are making this day not so pleasant.

Despite that there were some moments that made the day good. Mom calling me from Hawaii to sing me a happy birthday, my friend Kandel doing the same (with what she called her "not so good voice" - I thought it was great!), everyone at work being so supportive and doing little things to make my day special, and my friend Glenn who has saved me a bunch on money to fix my car.

And then there was this video that a friend sent me - it made me laugh out loud in the midst of everything and I thought I would share it with you. After watching this you'll understand why I want to work at REI - as I read on someone else's blog "is it bad that I think this is perfectly normal?"

A new me... again.

2008-09-07T19:23:00.007-06:00

The past few weeks have been crazy - I won't bore you with all the details but I'll give you a bit of a recap of the mayhem:

1. Climbed Pikes Peak with a friend and her daughters. Actually, we attempted to climb Pikes Peak but got to the last 1/2 mile and ran into bad weather. We hitched a ride to the top with a very nice couple from Arizona then sat in the summit house for two hours while it rained, then sleeted, then snowed. Finally the weather cleared, we hitched a ride down to the halfway point of the trail, and hurried down the rest of the mountain, only to be rained on again. Despite that, it was a great girls day, we had a blast!

2. I also attempted to climb Handies, a 14er in the southern San Juan Mountains, with my Albuquerque friends Linda and Jerry. Everything conspired together to derail this climb, starting with getting lost; having to park 4 miles from the trailhead due to a bad road; the stomach flu hitting me just as we hit the trailhead; I had blisters the size of Maine and about as painful as they can get; and the final blow, I bottomed out my car on the road and ripped my oil pan. $400 later, I have decided that a jeep would be a much more appropriate vehicle for me. And I STILL haven't summited a 14er this year!

3. Spent the weekend after the Handies climb four-wheeling in that same area, which was convenient since my car needed to be picked up in the same area. It was a great weekend, perfect weather and absolutely gorgeous scenery. A great time!

4. Finally, I ran my last Adventure race of the season this past weekend, the 6 hour sprint outside of Kremmling, CO. I ran with my friend Glenn, who was a great partner and a blast to run with. We biked 15 miles, all uphill (at least it seemed that way!), trekked 7 miles, then kayaked down the Colorado river for a crazy 7 miles. We did really well, kept up with the middle of the pack until we ran into some bad luck - Glenn had 2 flats and a brake issue, so that put us behind just about everyone. The kayaking was the highlight, we had some great class 2+/3 rapids that had us hooting and hollering - an absolute blast! I feel pretty good about the race, I rode most of the biking section, even the technical parts. Now I've got some downtime and plan on doing some off-season training - I feel like I have been playing catch up this whole season, doing just enough training to get me by. Now that I have time, I plan to use it well.

And finally, I have, once again, made a change. Not exactly a big one but any women out there will understand how it can affect you. I got a new hair cut, one that is so completely different than anything I have had before. Being a gal who has always had curly hair, it's a little weird having straight hair - but i love it and I thought I would give you a chance to see it for yourself

DJ, you have done yourself proud... thanks for the new look!

She says it better than me

2008-08-10T23:01:00.010-06:00

Everyone has their favorite blogs - one of mine is from a lady who is an amazing writer and can form words in such a way that you completely understand what she is trying to say. Today I read her latest posting and was amazed to find myself in all that she wrote:

"I spent most of my life completely convinced that I am absolutely unathletic, pathetic in my klutziness, a fragile, uncoordinated mess who is to be pitied for her inability to walk across a room without sustaining some kind of grievous bodily injury or expensive property damage. I am not all wrong; I am often clumsy, find it difficult to move all the parts of my body at once in particular ways, or to think about the parts of my body and how they ought to be moving and then actually try to move them."

"...There wasn't any particular incident that made me hate gym--I don't recall a particular humiliation that burns to this day. It was just a non-specific, blood-curdling fear of physical activity and hurting myself or making a fool of myself that kept me out of those shorts. I identified as a non-physical, non-athletic person to a pathological degree, and I think you can probably trace so many of my issues with my body directly from there."

It is sometimes hard for me to explain to others why it is so important and life changing for me to be racing in Adventure Races - for most people it's just something to do to keep in shape and stay busy. While those two reasons are important to me, they aren't the reason why I do it. And the post above begins to explain it much better than I ever could. I saw myself in that post, the me I use to be, yet is still very much a part of my life now.

Every day that I get out and run, or bike, or hike, etc, I put a little bit of my past non-athletic, overweight self behind me. I was that girl who was made fun of in gym class and after a while, I just gave up. I didn't want to be made fun of anymore. And I still struggle with that - I was absolutely terrified on the first day of Adventure race camp. My adult brain was saying "you'll be fine, no one will make fun of you." My all too present childhood brain said the exact opposite "run now!! You'll never make it and everyone will laugh!" I didn't listen to that childhood fear and found out that I CAN be athletic, that I can do things I never imagined and I won't be laughed at. I was accepted as "one of them" and that very thing was what made such a huge impact on me and has challenged me in ways I never imagined.

And now, every time I race or even contemplate racing, I know I have won another battle with myself and move a little closer to being the person I want to be.

And THAT is the reason why adventure racing is so important to me - it has, literally, changed my life. And for that I am eternally grateful.

The wisdom of a friend

2008-08-03T11:09:00.005-06:00

"Mr Right would never walk in to your life; he'd run, bike, kayak or navigate past, but not walk. I don't see you with much of a walker until you're pushing 90."

I like that.

12 Hours conquered, 24 next??

2008-07-29T19:15:00.018-06:00

That's right, I can sit here before you and say "I finished a 12 hour adventure race!" From start to finish, I just kept thinking to myself "look at what I am doing!" I was continually amazed at what I was doing and the amazing scenery around me - it was a day I will never forget.

I finished at just over 11 hours - I really took my time so I was definitely one of the slow ones. The race started with a 1 mile run to the Dillon Marina, which I pretty much walked the entire way because of my sprained knee. I arrived at the Marina and saw that everyone else had already launched their kayaks for the paddling section - I was definitely at the back of the pack!

I spent the next 3 1/2 hours in an inflatable kayak (also known as a duckie) – this ended up being the hardest part of the race for me. For those of you who have never used a duckie, I would never wish that experience on you - ever! Just thinking about those 3 1/2 hours and I get tired! The things about Duckies are they are just about impossible to keep in a straight line - I spent the first hour weaving all over the place, doing lots of 360's and at one point seriously considered turning around to get a head start on the mountain biking section. Instead I looked around me and realized how amazing it was that I was even there and knew I had to do the entire 11 mile kayaking section.

So I worked a little harder and began to get the hang of it- I was doing fairly well and was heading to the last checkpoint when I ran into the leaders of the race - they had already reached all the checkpoints and were heading back to the marina. And this part is the reason I love adventure racing - each person waved and wished me luck, or encouraged me to keeping going, or admired the fact that I was going it alone in a duckie - it was a huge boost and helped me push myself even more. It's the reason why I am growing to love this sport more each day - the amazing support!

I got back to the marina and was told I was only about 30 minutes behind the last to finish. Cool, not too far behind! So I walked the mile back to the transition area, changed out of my wet clothes and got ready for the mountain biking section. Believe it or not (and most of you know this is my weakest part) I had a blast!

I took a fun path from the lake to Breckenridge for about 10 miles, which was a nice, gentle climb and good warm up for what was up next. At Breckenridge I had to head west, which meant that I would be climbing the big ole’ mountain in front of me - this is where my training paid off! I headed up the hill for a few miles of climbing to the first bike checkpoint (and only had to walk the bike 2 times at some pretty steep parts). From there I was suppose to ride up to the next checkpoint but it was all single track and by this time it was pouring rain, so I opted to skip the checkpoint. I just wasn’t comfortable with riding single track in the mud so I had a fun ride back down to the bike path and hauled ass back to the transition – I was flying and having a blast!

I got back to the transition exactly at 3pm, which was my goal and headed to the orienteering course. It was still pouring, so I had to get my rain gear out and headed out in the rain. The course was huge but it was the highlight for me – I told Sherry (the course planner and the one who has taught me everything about orienteering) afterward that she puts together the best courses – the checkpoints were in the best spots! I got to walk on the beach, do some fun climbing, walk through a marsh, and so much more. It was the highlight for me, despite the rain and being pretty tired. The race required that you get at least of the 15 checkpoints and that’s exactly what I did, 15. I was going to go for more, I had an hour left where I could of snagged a few more. But I was pretty tired, covered in mosquito bites and ready to get some warm food in me, so I decided to head back after I got my 15.

As I was running to the finish line I heard everyone yelling and cheering me on - the funny thing is all I could think was "where's all my gear?" Unknown to me my wonderful mother had loaded everything up in the car but at that moment all I could think was "someone stole my bike!" Amazing the things that come to your mind at that moment! Logic finally won out and I realized what I had just done - finished my first 12 hour adventure race. On top of that, I wasn’t the last one to finish - there were two other teams out there! I've got to admit I got a little teary eyed (I wrote this just for you Glenn - yes, I cried... again) but couldn't keep the huge smile off my face.

Besides finishing, there was a great sense of pride at finishing a race put on by the same company that gave me the tools to be able to handle this race - this was the same company that put on the camp I attended in March and since that time they have became more friends than just a "company." They were with me from the beginning and are some of my biggest supporters. I told Will after the race that I never had so much fun and thanked him for an amazing time - it really was a great experience!

I was pretty sore that night and despite wanting a warm meal, my stomach wasn't able to handle much of anything. Mom was pretty tired too, she had done lots of work as my support person and I think both of us were just ready to head to bed!

So, what did I learn from all this? Hmmm, good question. But here are a couple of things:

That my confidence, or lack of confidence in myself is my greatest weakness. Each time I race I have to face that lack of confidence head on and when I actually conquer it, I gain a little more. The reason why I admire Jari so much? It's because she believes that anything is possible and that I can do anything I put my mind to - I love her for that. Now if I could just believe it myself.
That laughing through the hard times makes them a lot easier.
That at times you need to stop, take a deep breathe and look at the beautiful world around you - it's amazing how it can give you a completely different perspective on life.
That duckies are a pain in the ass to paddle.

So, what's next? I have a crazy, one day, 100 mile bike ride (the White Rim trail) in Moab planned with Jari; a sprint (6 hour) race in Vail; an entire week of vacation in Moab where I will be riding, kayaking and canyoneering, as well as providing support for a team during a 3-4 day race at the end of the week. Somewhere in there I want to climb a couple of 14er's, just not sure when. Summer is going way too fast and I want to pack as much in as I possibly can!

The 12 Hour Adventure

2008-07-24T22:09:00.004-06:00

This weekend is it - my very first 12 hour adventure race. My dreams have been filled with all sorts of images, mostly of me forgetting my map or bike or clothes (yikes!). I guess you could say I'm a little nervous.

Compared to my last race, I feel pretty prepared. I've been riding lots, with each ride at least +20 miles. I've followed the training schedule pretty well, so at least my conditioning is pretty good. Mentally I feel stronger, but I know that is my weak point. I keep echoing Jari's words "you're a bad ass!" just trying to convince myself that yes, I can do this. At this point, I am ready to get beyond the training and visualization and just get out there - at least the dreams will be gone!

To further complicate everything, I hurt my knee last weekend and have been dealing with some pretty good pain this week. It basically means I won't be running and going much slower (if that's even possible - I'm ALREADY slow!)

I have a few goals for the race.

To run MY race - I tend to get caught up in all the craziness around me, push it too hard at the beginning and end up exhausted way too soon. I want to go at my own pace and disregard others.
To finish in 12 hours - if this means I have to miss a few checkpoints, so be it. I just want to run a good race and make good decisions.
To pay more attention to my eating/drinking - I don't want to get sick again!
To get all the checkpoints on the orienteering course.

So, if you happen to be close to Summit County Saturday, drop on by the Frisco Nordic Center and you just might catch a glimpse of me hobbling along between transitions. I will eventually write up a report on my excursion, as long as my fingers are still functioning. Mom is coming and has already said she will take pics, so I even have an official photographer.

Let's just hope I am actually standing at the end of this day.

A Typical Morning

2008-07-19T06:57:00.008-06:00

Each morning I drag myself out of bed at 4:30 am and head to the gym. Since I've always been a night person, this is quite the accomplishment for me. I never thought I would be a morning person (just like I never thought I would run an adventure race!) but it has fit into this new life rather well.

Now let me make this clear, I am still not a morning person. Most mornings I hit my snooze button many, many times and then when I finally do get out of bed, it's in slow motion. I'll give you a little peak into what goes on in my odd brain when the alarm goes off on my spinning class days (Monday and Wednesday):

4:30 am: alarm goes off - I hit the snooze button and happily doze off again

4:39: alarm goes off again - I hit the snooze button again and think "I really need to get up" - it doesn't work

4:48: alarm goes off a 3rd time. This is usually when I actually crawl out of bed, all the while thinking "do I really need to work out today?"

4:52: I get over my reluctance to head to the gym, grab a bottle of water and my many morning vitamins, turn on the tv and crawl back into bed - I proceed to drink my water and take my vitamins, all the while thinking "do I really need to work out today?"

5:05: I finish chewing, swallowing and drinking and realize if I don't hurry I will be late to class! I rush to get dressed and collect everything that I need: a towel, my ipod, a bottle of water and ID. I think to myself "why am I always late?" and of course "do I really need to work out today?"

5:20: I grab my peanut butter pudding from the fridge and run out the door, knowing I am going to be late. If it's Monday, I usually end up speeding a little faster since my instructor turns out ALL the lights at exactly 5:30 - have you ever tried to adjust a spinning bike in the dark? Not easy.

5:24: I eat my PB Pudding while driving to the gym - eating pudding while driving can be rather daunting but I'm getting pretty good at multi-tasking. I again think to myself "do I really need to work out today?"

5:32: I arrive at the gym, rush to the door when I remember that my water bottle is still in my car. (every morning!) I rush back to my car, grab the bottle, then hurry to the front desk to get signed in. Get to class, say hi to all the regulars and rush, again, to get my bike adjusted. Think to myself "why am I always late?" and of course "do I really need to work out today?" (at least I am consistent!)

5:35: Jump on my bike and begin warming up - the thought comes to my mind "why am I doing this? I am way too tired to ride a bike for an hour." Or "do I really need to work out today?" I am STILL fighting the urge to run home and hop back into bed.

5:40: "Will this class never end?"

5:48: "No way am I going to make it to the end of class - can I go home now?"

5:56: "Another hill, are you kidding me?"

6:04: "You want me to increase my tension again?! *&%^#!!"

6:18: "If I turn my head to the left and casually look like I am stretching my neck, I can check out the clock and see how long I have left and no one will notice."

6:18 1/2: "Instructor saw me look at the clock - has an evil smile on his face. NOT GOOD."

6:24: "My legs feel like jello and my butt is asleep- can I stop now?"

6:28: Ahhhhh... stretching, my fav part. That is until our instructor decides to introduce a move that has me standing on one leg, while my other leg is stretched out behind me and my arms are twisted above my head in a strange sort of ballet/swan move. I fall flat on my ass.

6:30: "That was fun... let's do it again!"

You know it's summer when...

2008-07-06T07:21:00.004-06:00

you see a snake while on a hike.

Yup, saw my first snake yesterday. A tiny little garter snake that was more scared of me than I was of it (which is kind of amazing, knowing my fear of snakes!) I was hiking Eagles Peak at the Air Force Academy and saw not only the snake but a roaring waterfall, the requisite chipmunk, lots of flys, bees and other bugs and of course, many cadets. It was a perfect day for a hike and I enjoyed every minute of it.

That night I went for a bike ride with Jody, a friend I met through the orienteering club. We parked near a local trail head and took a beautiful, mellow trail to downtown Colorado Springs, where we proceeded to get sick on a big bowl of Josh and John's ice cream (actually, I got sick - she was smart and got the small bowl). It was a perfect summer evening and reminded me of when I was a kid, when your only means of transportation was your bike - I remember riding all over the place, not having a care in the world. That's how the ride felt - just a casual, fun, relaxed ride with beautiful scenery and great company.

I seem to have turned a corner in my workouts - I'm finally feeling like I am progressing and getting stronger. I'm regularly riding 20-30 miles on the bike and actually sticking with my workout schedule. I'm pretty disciplined in getting in my workouts, but I've never been very disciplined when it comes to following a schedule. I am going on week 3 of my training for my race in July and it's been easy and fun to follow. If I can keep this up until the race, I just might feel prepared for the race. Let's all keep our fingers crossed - I don't want another repeat of the last race!

One thing I have been working on is how to avoid another dehydration/bonking episode. I've been trying different ways to get in electrolytes, which I know was part of my problem last time. I hate sport drinks, way too sweet for me and tends to upset my stomach. Instead I've been experimenting with Sports Jelly Beans, which are working really well. I've got a big workout planned Friday with 20 miles mountain biking and 10 miles hiking and that will be a good test on how these really work in the long term.

Other than that, the only other new adventure has been my new job. It's quite a change, going from a fairly large place to one that has 8 people. It's been a fun challenge - I've hit the ground running with lots of projects that need a quick turn around and I'm enjoying that. I love the challenge and I'm definitely not bored!

That's all I've got - hope everyone had a great holiday weekend! I'm finishing the weekend with an ATV ride outside of Woodland Park. Get out there and enjoy the summer, it is going to disappear way to fast!

So I got this email...

2008-07-01T20:57:00.007-06:00

I told Jari, my instructor from AR Camp, about my plan to do a 12 hour race July 26. Her response was perfect and just what I needed:

"You'll be fine. And by that I mean it will be the hardest thing you'll have ever done but the most rewarding. THere will be a few times when you are tired and it is really hard when you ask yourself why you are doing it and you just have to know that the answer to that is because you are a bad ass! Because you want it. And because when you get done you have achieved your goal. To finish. That should be your goal, to finish."

And now you know why I love this gal.

Think they would allow me to legally change my name to "Bad Ass?"

Primal Quest Montana!

2008-06-26T20:37:00.021-06:00

The past few days I have been glued to my computer, watching with fascination the going ons way up in Montana. A little thing called Primal Quest is taking place right now and boy have I been fascinated with the whole thing!

Primal Quest is billed as one of the world's toughest ultra-endurance race on the planet - this year's race seems to be living up to that reputation by pushing athletes with 500+ miles of trekking, mountain biking, kayaking, river boarding and other fun stuff. On top of that, there is suppose to be about 100,000 feet of climbing - WOW! The race can take anywhere from 5 days for the elite teams to 10 days for the weekend warrior. And in the true tradition of Adventure racing, the biggest test is not so much the physical tasks but the lack of sleep, navigation and team work (or lack of it, for some).

Why am I so fascinated with Primal Quest, or even adventure racing for that matter? I'm not sure. There is something about it that intrigues me and I honestly can't put my finger on it. I have never been one to push myself that hard - I usually wimp out before I get to that point. So maybe I'm intrigued by the possibility of doing something I'm not familiar with. Isn't it always the opposite of us that we are attracted too?

Last week I was given the opportunity to actually be in Montana as support crew for the team Dancing Pandas. (pic to the left is them!) Due to my new job I couldn't go but oh, how I wanted to! I know I will probably never run a race like Primal Quest but that doesn't mean I can't be involved in some way and this seemed the perfect way to do that. I've already requested a place on their support team for next years race - I don't plan on missing out next year!

If you have a moment, check out the Primal Quest website - they have information on all the teams, a live tracking system of the racers and lots of other fun stuff. Team Nike, a Colorado team is, as usual, in 1st. They are just about the best adventure racing team out there and the reigning champions of Primal Quest - for the past 4 years! They are machines - Ian Adamson, one of my hero's and a legend in adventure racing circles, was the captain for years. Despite his retirement the team continues to dominate.

I have other friends racing that I've been keeping track of - primarily Brain Attack and New Mexico Blue and Green. Both of these teams are first time racers who only want to finish, which in this race is a rare thing. My hats off to them and Dancing Pandas, as well as all the other teams, for doing something most people can't even imagine. It is truly an amazing accomplishment.

Balance

2008-06-24T19:59:00.010-06:00

After a good (and tough) weekend, I've been thinking about the fine line between challenging myself and knowing when to throw in the towel. Saturday I challenged myself at an Orienteering Meet; then Sunday I completely freaked during a mountain bike ride. The difference between the two? Orienteering is done with 2 feet solidly on the ground, while mountain biking involves the threat of my already bruised body being thrown to the ground. See why I might be willing to hike my bike rather than ride?

I write the above as a round about way to say I think I might not be cut out for mountain biking. Sunday's ride was a continuation of past rides - my fear getting in the way of any fun I might have. Granted the trail was more difficult than most I have been on and after the initial terrifying, single track ride (where I walked the entire time) I was able to enjoy a nice, simple ride with another friend. But I am tired of being "challenged" on rides that elicit panic attacks, not shouts of joy. When do I say "no more" without feeling like a quitter?

While I contemplate that question (and you are more than welcome to offer comments with advice, encouragement, or a "kick me in the ass" type of comment) I plan on riding the whole weekend. Ironic, isn't it? But, these rides are not exactly typical mountain biking - more like road biking and some simple, wide and hilly trails that lack any of the typical technical stuff usually associated with mountain biking. This whole thing puts into question all the adventure races I want to race - unfortunately most races do not have easy biking sections. Now, if I could just find a race without mountain biking, I would be extremely happy (unlikely but hey, I can wish can't I?)

I'm still planning on running my 12 hour/60 mile race in July - I figure if it gets too bad I can do the whole "hike my bike" thing. That's part of the reason i am doing it alone - I won't have the pressure of letting my teammate/s down with my fear of riding - I'll just be riding for me. That might be the best idea I've had yet.

I'm Back!!

2008-06-19T12:21:00.005-06:00

My confidence took a pretty hard hit after the last adventure race and I was pretty sure I was doomed to live the rest of my life struggling with my workouts and any type of activity that requires, well, energy. It's been a couple of months of not feeling well and despite knowing that it was due to the sinus infection and my asthma, it still didn't sink in that that was the cause of my exhaustion. I'm funny that way - my moods tend to get in the way of reality.

I know all of you kept saying "give it time, you'll feel better." But I don't think I ever believed it because honestly, I didn't feel that bad. Yes, I was a little more tired than usual. But to me sick means wanting to crawl into bed for days and hoping that death comes soon. And that wasn't how I felt. This week, however, I realized how crappy I had been feeling when I suddenly began to feel much better. As the title above stated... I'm back!

It helps that my confidence was boosted by two big rides last week, one 20 miles and the other 30 miles. The 30 miler was flat for portions but also had some good hills for climbing - I felt so good by the end I could of kept going (except for my butt - oh my god, it was sore).

Then this week I was actually able to run 3 miles... all at one time! I'd lost a lot of my running last month and was barely doing 2 miles a couple of weeks ago, which was such a change from the regular 5 miles I had been running before. It was such a relief to know I could do it again!

I'm now working on building my confidence - I really think that was part of my problem at the last race. And I'm going to need it because I just signed up for a 60 mile/12 hour adventure race in Summit County on July 26! I decided to take the plunge, knowing that this race was more suited to me and my skills and finishing within the time frame is a very good possibility.

So, I'll be working hard the next 6 weeks - I've got some orienteering courses planned, as well as a day of kayaking at Lake Dillon, some long mountain bike rides and a mountain bike skills clinic. All stuff that sounds fun to me, which is the key ingredient.

I'm a Wimp

2008-06-13T12:35:00.014-06:00

I've been going back and forth on how to report on my adventure race last weekend and I'm still not sure what to say. But I'm going to give it a shot.

It was a gorgeous day for the race, which was in Fenton Lake, NM - a beautiful, mountainous area about an hour west of Santa Fe. I raced with my brother, his first adventure race but an extremely strong biker with tons of experience. It turned out he was much stronger than me in all the disciplines - I completely bonked during the biking section and never fully recovered. I was mostly dehydrated, no matter how much I drank I could not get in enough water. Since the biking section was toward the beginning it made the rest of the race pretty tough for me - I was even having a hard time during the running/trekking portion, which was my strength. I was exhausted and frustrated and it made for a very long race.

Despite that we did finish and placed 4th in the co-ed division (out of 4 teams) - all the teams were pretty close together time wise but most got more checkpoints than me and Steve, so that knocked us down some spots. Steve was incredibly patient with me and my lack of energy and for that I am extremely grateful. But I was, and still am frustrated with how I performed. It really seems to be a pattern lately - I'm having difficulty doing just about anything physical. Not sure what is going on but I'm pretty discouraged by it.

Here are some more pics from the race

I spent the entire trip home trying to feel better. I kept downing electrolytes, which helped some. I couldn't eat much though - my stomach wasn't cooperating at all. It took me a another day before I felt somewhat normal and even then I was still struggling. I now fully understand what dehydration feels like and I don't want to experience it again.

I'm seriously rethinking whether I want to do more races. I started this whole thing to fulfill my dream of running one and I've done that. Part of me would love to get out there and keep running more races, building up to longer and harder ones. But to be honest I don't know if I'm cut out for it and not sure if I even enjoy it that much. I haven't been enjoying my workouts at all since I began training for the races and the whole purpose of them was to keep me motivated to continue to be active. If I'm not enjoying it, then why do it?

I know I'm discouraged and that's part of it. But I can usually snap out of it pretty quickly - instead I have been getting more discouraged as the week has continued. Maybe taking a break is what I need - I want to get out there and enjoy being outside, not feel like it's a burden. And right now, it's a burden.

And it continues...

2008-06-04T11:48:00.011-06:00

So, that sinus infection that wouldn't let go? It's still trying to show who is boss (if you haven't guessed, it's in charge - not me). I'm better but not great and have spent the past 2 weeks sleeping like crazy. You know what that means? Extra sleep = less time (or energy) for working out. I ran yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks and felt every single step down to my bones. I can't believe I have lost that much of my conditioning in just 2 weeks - it kind of sucks. Especially since I have my 2nd adventure race this weekend - if you hear a story about an adventure racer who tragically lost her life from exhaustion at Fenton Lake, NM... assume it's me.

All kidding aside, I was feeling well enough to attend my orienteering training weekend this past weekend and so glad I did - it was a blast! What's orienteering, you ask?

What is Orienteering? (from the Rocky Mountain Orienteering Club Website)

"In orienteering, you use a map and compass to locate a series of checkpoints shown on a specialized topographic map. You choose the route, either on or off trail, that will help you find all the checkpoints and get to the finish line in the shortest amount of time. Each checkpoint, or "control," is a distinct mapped feature such as a trail junction, a boulder, a hilltop, etc. The controls are marked with orange-and-white flags.

Orienteering is often called "the thinking sport" because it requires map reading, problem solving, and quick decision-making skills in addition to athletic ability and general physical fitness."

Orienteering is a big part of Adventure Racing, thus the reason why I wanted to get some training. And I got LOTS of training this weekend!

Saturday was the all-day training day. We began with an intro to orienteering (maps, pacing, terminology, etc) and then set out to do a beginner course with small groups. We had about 12 in our group and got lots of hands-on experience for the hour we spent in the woods - the beginner course has controls that are primarily right on the trail and fairly easy to find. My team had a family with 6 kids who just loved the whole thing - they were so much fun to watch as they tried to figure out where the next control was, all of them running through the woods with carefree abandonment. Ah, to be a kid again.

I spent the rest of the day doing more courses - I moved up to the advanced beginner after lunch, then jumped up to the advanced course with a couple of ladies I met that morning. Great training for navigation and just a lot of fun! After all that I got everything set up at camp, then went for a bike ride until dinner. There were about 10 of us camping and we pooled all our food together to create quite the feast - chicken, meat kabobs, pinto beans, asparagas, pasta and other fun stuff was passed around and shared among the group. It rained most of the evening but we had a nice shelter to sit in and cook, so it wasn't so bad.

The best part of the evening - smores! I haven't had smores for a long time and they were just as good as I remember. Yum!

That evening I did a Night-O, which is the same courses just in the dark. If you want to learn how to use your compass, this is the way to do it. Since you can't see very far in front of you, you have to depend on the compass to tell you the right direction to the next control - it is a challenge! But I did really well, found most of the checkpoints until it got too rainy and I had to head back to camp. By then I was ready to crawl into my nice, warm sleeping bag - I was tired!

The next day was the actual meet and I decided to do the orange course, which is the intermediate course. All the controls are off trail and a little more difficult to find - I was determined to get all the controls and not get a penalty, which is exactly what I did! I got all nine stamped on my passport, although one of them proved to be a challenge when I paid more attention to another runner then my actual path. I followed him for a while before I realized that I was in the wrong place. I had to back track a couple of miles to get to the right area and lost some precious time. A good lesson for me (and one I have heard about from countless other, more experienced racers, but it never makes an impact until you actually do it yourself.)

I ended up placing 3rd, although my time was realllyyy slow (2 hours, 30 minutes). The 2nd place finisher did it in 1 hour, 48 minutes, much faster than me. My goal for next time will be to finish under 2 hours. I just need to practice the whole "running and reading a map at the same time" thing - when i ran, I didn't pay attention to my surroundings. So I didn't run much, just lots of fast hiking.

My next adventure race is this weekend and I feel pretty ready to do the navigation after this past weekend - we'll see how I do. We could win the whole thing due to my brilliant navigation choices or get hopelessly lost in the mountains of New Mexico.

Scary.

And fun!

The mother of all sinus infections

2008-05-26T16:39:00.006-06:00

I had a follow up visit with my asthma Dr. last week and casually mentioned how bad allergies were this year. She looked at me, looked up my nose, down my throat and in my ears and said "it's not allergies, you have a sinus infection." All of a sudden my exhaustion the past couple of weeks made a lot more sense. She put me on some antibiotics and said "call me in 2 weeks if it isn't cleared up." I walked out and thought "cool, now I'll feel better."

Fast forward a week and I'll tell you right now, I do not feel better. This thing is holding on for dear life and WILL NOT let go. I'm tired and want to sleep all the time and my nose has become a constantly running faucet (sorry, that might be classified as TMI). I haven't worked out in 5 days- that's the longest I have gone without working out since the last time I was sick, over a year ago. I was on vacation, I worked out. Family funerals, I worked out. I NEVER miss my workouts. And here I am, 2 weeks before my next adventure race and the thought of actually going outside and running or biking wears me out. Not good.

It would probably help if I actually got some sleep every now and then. With school done for the spring (yeah!! another 4.0 semester, thank god) I had planned lots of fun stuff before I started feeling cruddy and couldn't very well cancel all those fun things :-) One such event was last week... I did something I haven't done for years: went to a premiere movie at midnight. I saw the new Indiana Jones movie Wednesday night - I have seen every single one of the Indiana Jones movies on premiere night and wanted to continue the tradition. The first one came out when I was in high school; I won tickets to the premiere night at midnight and from that night on, I was hooked. This time I went with my friend Aaron, who wrote a great blog on our experience that night. Check it out at Denver Metblogs.

The next night was a workshop on orienteering, a key component to adventure racing. It was a good intro but the true test will be next weekend; I will be spending the entire weekend at the Peaceful Valley Scout Ranch for training and a race. Saturday will be an all-day training session, then the next day will be an actual meet. I need all the practice I can get!

This weekend has been a blur of activity; a day of 4-wheeling, a Rockies game, graduation party and lots of yard work. Despite all that activity I have been working on getting more sleep, hoping to help this sinus infection move on.

But tomorrow... I WILL workout. I promise. Really, I will.

Is summer finally on the way?

2008-05-18T21:58:00.015-06:00

Winter has had a tight grip on the weather here in Colorado and it appears it does not want spring to appear anytime soon. However, this weekend spring got the upper hand and we finally saw a beautiful, Colorado weekend; sunny and warm! Thank god for that, I was beginning to get depressed with all the gloomy weather we have been having.

With a nice weekend coming I, of course, planned a lot of outdoor activities. I'm already longing for the freedom I had last summer, when I could take off at a moment's notice with no worries. Not anymore, I have to plan for the weekends like all the rest of you mere mortals out there.

Friday night I saw "Ironman" (awesome movie!) then Saturday the plan was to run in the morning then help mom with her garage sale. My social plans the night before had me out kind of late so I bailed on the run and instead did what every good daughter should do and spent the day helping mom.

Sunday was my 'big workout day' - I planned a brick workout, which is a training session that involves two or more different disciplines (ie trail running, hiking, mountain biking, etc), one after another. I was planning on doing 15 miles on the bike, then spend three hours hiking Eagles Peak at the Air Force Academy. You know what they say about best laid plans?

I woke up and was not motivated AT ALL to get out there, so I dragged my feet for a couple of hours. I finally got my butt in gear and headed to the Santa Fe Trail with my bike, only to be derailed by a problem with my gears - I could only get into 3 gears; low, medium and high. I suppose it was kind of funny to see me pedaling like speedracer on crack - I even ran into a fence during one of my 'changing the gear' phases. At that point I was sincerely wishing the trail was somewhere else and not next to a highway - I got lots of honks during that little incident.

Because of my mechanical failure I turned around early and only did about 6 miles. I then headed to the Air Force Academy, one of the most beautiful places in the world and an outdoor paradise. It's one of my favorite places - I grew up not too far from it and have wonderful memories of attending football and basketball games and various other events.

I was meeting my friend Tori to hike Eagles Peak on the grounds of the Academy (see pic above)- we had been trying to get together to do this hike for months and our schedules had finally converged to make it work!

Let me just start by saying that I have found the perfect trail for training - this trail had everything; boulders, scree, icy climbing, incredible views, all in a very steep climb (2000 vertical feet in 1.25 miles). I figure if cadets use this for their training then I should definitely add it to my list.

Tori has climbed this thing numerous times and knew all the ins and outs of the trail, which was good because there were times when the trail wasn't visible and without her I would of been hopelessly lost on my way to the summit. It started fairly mellow but then proceeded to a relentless climb - it just never ended. It took us 2 hours to get to the top (mostly because I kept stopping - I have got to get my hiking legs back!) and from the top we were rewarded with an amazing view of the Academy and the front range. It made the climb worth it.

Coming down was fun - scree on a steep slope is pretty hard to navigate when you have forgotten your trekking poles (what a dolt I am). There was a lot of sliding on my butt and of course the day wouldn't of been complete if there wasn't a fall (there was) and blood coming from some part of my body.

This was a great trail and one I would recommend if you want a challenge, but the best part of the day was spending it with Tori. We haven't been able to spend much time together due to crazy schedules and I loved spending time with her. Thanks for a great time hon!

Want to know a surefire way to flunk your finals?

2008-05-13T16:36:00.030-06:00

...just spend the weekend before finals at an Adventure Race - that should do it. It certainly worked for me.

I spent a crazy weekend in beautiful Buena Vista, volunteering for the Adventure Xstream Adventure Race. Being the good student I am, I had brought my books, fully intending to study during some of the down time. If the title above is any indication, you can imagine how much time I spent studying.

I actually went up early Friday so I could get some mountain biking in before the race. Someone had told me about a great 'beginner' trail in Buena Vista, so I was planning on spending a few hours on this 'beginner' trail, which ended up being anything but a beginners trail!

The first mile of the trail was all single track, rocks and climbing - it scared the hell out of me. Being alone and the ultimate beginner, I felt completely out of my element. I ended up walking the entire first mile and finally came to a nice, simple road. From that point on it was fun - the road went about 3 miles before the trail started again and this is where the fun began!

The trail was all fairly simple single track - it followed an old railroad track and had some gorgeous views of the Collegiate Peaks and Buena Vista. I got over my disappointment from the beginning of the trail and actually had fun, which is what it is all about, isn't it?

I rode about 10 miles total, although I figure I walked about 2 miles of that. I have to admit I was frustrated and discouraged at parts - I just would like to be able to do more technical rides and it's frustrating that I can't seem to get to that point. Fear has a lot to do with it and I'm not too sure how to get beyond that. I guess that is something I have to work on.

That night I helped with the check in and registration for the race - I met some great people and got to see some people from camp. One of my all-time fav's was there, Jari from Team Salomon/Crested Butte and my mountain bike/ropes instructor from camp. She had a great present for me, some of her homemade granola (which is absolutely yummy!) plus the recipe. Her and the team were running the 24 hour race and did an Adventure Racing Q&A session before their race began at midnight.

Just as the 24 hour racers began their trek at midnight, a wet and cold snowstorm blew in. Yet none of the teams quit, they kept moving despite the crazy weather. Team Salomon/Crested Butte had some bad luck with their compass and ended up getting lost, and for what I think is the first time ever they ended up dropping out of the race. They were the expected winners so it was a big surprise to everyone.

Saturday morning was the beginning of the 6 and 12 hour races and I was there bright and early to direct traffic and parking. It was freezing and windy and miserable but I think the excitement of the race helped everyone bear it easier. My friends James and Chelsea, who I also climbed Elbert with (pic above), were there to run the 6 hour race (they placed 4th in their division, congrats guys!)

The racers took off for their race and I took off with Caroline to man one of the mountain biking checkpoints. Let me just tell you that I have a great admiration for anyone willing to do a 24 hour race - by the time they reached us they had already ran/climbed/trekked/mountain biked about 80 miles and they looked exhausted. But everyone kept pushing themselves to finish the rest of the course, which included about 20 miles more of mountain biking, a 400 foot travolean traverse and another orienteering course. Impressive!

We sat at the checkpoint for about 8 hours, keeping track of all racers and making sure they were ok and didn't need anything. The day had cleared up some by then but the wind was a brutal reminder of the storm that night. The racers came to our CP after 5 miles of what was suppose to be an "easy, downhill ride." Instead they fought into the wind, making it feel like they were climbing uphill the entire 5 miles. Just another aspect to adventure racing, the unexpected always seems to happen!

The day didn't finish until late into the night and in the end the top team for the 24 hour race was Boulder Performance Network, who finished at about 17 hours - an impressive performance despite the weather. Good job guys!

Here are some of the Pics if you want to see more.

I headed home that night, I needed to be back for mother's day. But the weekend was a blast and it makes me even more determined to try a longer race - anyone want to run a 12-hour race with me in July???

Oh, and I didn't flunk my final, although I did end up putting in a very long all-nighter, which I imagine will take me weeks to recover from. It's just not as easy as when I was 20!

The weekend cannot get here soon enough

2008-05-09T00:48:00.004-06:00

Never has a weekend looked so good.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel like chucking it all and living the life of the unibomber? Yup, that about sums up my week. I'm not going to go into details but if there ever was a perfect time to have a 3 day weekend, this would be it.

I am heading to Buena Vista for my much needed long weekend - I'll be volunteering for a Gravity Play Adventure race . I figured this would be a great way to see what a longer race entails (they have 3 races to choose from: a 6 hour, a 12 hour and the 24 hour race). This is the same company that put on the camp I attended in March - there should be lots of people from the camp there, including my wonderful instructors Team Salomon/Crested Butte. Can't wait to see Jari and the rest of the guys!

I'm heading up early Friday to do some mountain biking for the day - I haven't been outside all week and can't wait to do nothing but breathe fresh mountain air and think about nothing but my heavy breathing and burning legs - "clear your head, flush your brain" will be echoing in my head, I am sure.

Friday night I'll be helping with registration and all-day Saturday I'll be at a mountain bike checkpoint, tracking racers and cheering them on. I plan on taking lots of pics, so be prepared for a nice long, report.

Have a great weekend everyone!

A Beautiful (and cold!) day in The Garden

2008-05-04T20:31:00.009-06:00

The picture above was my view as I took my place at the starting line of the "Take 5 in the Garden" race Saturday at the Garden of the Gods. Can you imagine a more perfect setting for my first running race?

It was a cold morning, 25 degrees when I arrived at 7am and it only warmed up a little bit more by the time the race started at 8am (I was wishing I had my long johns on!) The race had 2 options - a 5K or 5 miler and since I'm a gluten for punishment I chose to do the 5 miler. When I signed up for the race I was given the warning that this course was "hilly and strenuous and only for people in excellent shape." You know what, they were absolutely right. It was a tough course, one hill after another that pushed me, my legs and my lungs hard - I heard one runner call it brutal, I would say that was a fair description!

One of the more difficult hills was at the beginning of the course - a 1 mile climb that felt more like 10 miles! Lots of people fell behind fairly quickly but I did something I have never done before, started out strong and fairly fast (for me anyway). I got into a good rhythm and started to move pretty quickly down the other side of the hill.

The hills started taking a toll on me at about the 3 mile mark. My legs were doing fine but my lungs protested. Despite using my inhaler right before the race, I was having difficulty breathing and I had not brought my emergency inhaler with me. I started to walk more in an effort to catch my breath but it didn't help much. I just couldn't breathe well and decided to just press on - I had the goal to finish under an hour and I was determined to make it, no matter if I could breath or not. (Note to self: ALWAYS take your inhaler to races.)

At about the 4 mile mark I met a great lady by the name of Laura and we began to chat - she said she had been trying to catch me the entire race but I was too fast (that made me laugh... me, too fast? that is just too funny). Once I started to walk she caught up and we decided to finish the race together. We had a great time on that last hill and she is a big reason why I pushed it even harder at the end - well, that and her sister (who just happened to win our division with a time of 42 minutes), who was waiting at the last 1/4 mile and encouraged us to speed up to the finish. I ran hard for that last section - my lungs and legs were burning but it felt so good to finish strong and hear the crowd cheering us on!

My goal had been to finish under an hour and that is exactly what I did - my official time was 58:50. Not too bad for a first-timer who couldn't breath for most of the race :-)

It was a tough race to pick for my first one but I'm glad I began with it - might as well get the tough ones out of the way now. I'm already planning for next year - the course we ran is being added to my training schedule and by next year you can bet I'll be one of those running at the front of the pack.

Quote of the Day

2008-04-30T10:15:00.005-06:00

"Clear your head, flush your brain."

Said by my Spicoli/Yoda inspired spinning instructor right before our much loved 'free ride' this morning.

I love this guy.

Albuquerque is a cool place for an Adventure Race!

2008-04-27T09:10:00.014-06:00

All those years ago, as I watched the Eco Challenge Adventure Race, I never imagined I would be running a race myself. Yet after last weekend I am able to say that I am one of those who has experienced one! It wasn't a 10 day, 700 mile race like the Eco Challenge (more like 11 miles and 4 hours); but for me it was just as big and important as any other race out there. It was a great experience and I'll say this right now... I'M HOOKED!!!

I headed down to Albuquerque early Saturday morning, and arrived around 1pm at Linda and Jerry's house, my team mates who live in Albuquerque. After a nice lunch (fresh spinach from their garden - what a treat!) we headed out to the area that the race was taking place to see what we might expect during the race. This ended up being a good thing, although I wasn't so sure while we were riding - let's just say that I had thoughts of throwing my mountain bike into the trash after the day was done. Yes, I know, irrational thoughts, but that's what can happen when you have hundreds of cactus pricklies stuck in your butt. (I'll get to that story in just a minute).

The area was mostly single track, which I have NEVER done before. Just imagine me, who is still learning to ride in a straight line, trying to stay on a narrow trail with rocks and trees as obstacles. I was actually doing fairly well for most of the trail, although there were spots I had to walk through. That was until I got to a very narrow, sandy portion of the trail. I lost control, fell and landed right on a cactus plant.

We spent the next 30 minutes pulling cactus out of me (I also spent it cursing all desert vegetation, mountain bikes, single track, and anything else I could think of that I was mad about). Once I was pretty well cleaned up, we got back on the trail but I was still a bit ticked and hesitant to get back on the bike. I was also trying to talk myself out of running the race the next day - if the trails were going to be like this I wanted no part of it!

I snapped out of my mood (as I usually do) and got back on the bike to finish the rest of the ride. Our time on that trail ended up being a good thing - the trail we actually had to race on was much easier than we expected and our experience the day before was VERY helpful during the race.

Before I tell you about the actual race, let me first give you all a brief description of what an Adventure Race is (since that is the most common question I get from everyone)

ADVENTURE RACING 101
Adventure racing is kind of like a triathlon but with different disciplines like navigation/orienteering, mountain biking, trail running, rock climbing and rappelling, kayaking and lots of other inventive stuff (I've heard of everything from riding a camel to inline skating to puzzle solving are involved - always interesting!)

The race is all about teamwork and navigation, not so much speed (although you are going fast the whole time!). At the beginning of the race you are given a topo map of the area and coordinates of where checkpoints will be - you map the checkpoints then figure out how to get to those places to get what they call a passport stamped. You are given points for each of these check points so it's pretty important to map it all correctly.

Once you figure out the checkpoints you have to figure out the best route to get to those places while doing the required discipline - for my race we had to start with trail running for the first 6 checkpoints and end with mountain biking for the final 5 checkpoints. We did a total of about 11 miles for this race, but many races can go for as long as 10 days and over 700 miles! I don't think I am quite ready for those races yet (but maybe someday).

Tutorial Finished... on to the race report!

We had 4 hours to finish the race and it included trail running/trekking and mountain biking. The race was mostly about navigation - there were 11 checkpoints for us to find and some were not that easy. A key problem we had was due to a lack of listening on our part - at the preliminary meeting they mentioned that all of the checkpoints were only 10 meters from the trail; what we failed to hear was "and dry creek beds." Every single one that we had a problem with was in a creek bed - we just kept thinking there is no way it would be that far from the trail. Lesson learned - always listen carefully at the pre-race meeting!

We finished that race in 3 hours and 50 minutes. That was our goal, to make it back before the cut off and we did! We actually went pretty fast but our problems finding a couple of the checkpoints killed our time. But we had fun and made our goal, so it was all good in the long run. And we weren't even last - there were two other teams that beat us back to the finish but they didn't find many of the checkpoints so we ended up being 9th out of 11 - pretty good!

What I loved the most was the amazing comraderie among racers and an honor code that you have to help another team if they are having any difficulties or are in trouble. Lots of teams will race together to pool resources and support each other, despite also competing with the other team. It's just a great sport and one that I am growing to love. I can't wait to do more races!

It's always amazing to me to be around people who don't know what my life use to be like and the weight that was such a burden to me. But what I have found in talking with other racers is that they have also overcome things in their lives to be there - I'm just one of the many who has come through some sort of crazy journey and somehow survived. Through the entire race I just kept thinking about that, how much has changed, how much I have changed and how amazing it was that I was able to do all the things in the race with no problem. I can't imagine going back to what my life was before - this life is just too much fun!

A Quick Update

2008-04-25T22:43:00.004-06:00

I know, it's been a while... missed me?

Life has been a little wacky lately - I've been trying to get caught up after a couple of long weekend trips and have been feeling a little overwhelmed and tired. I did run my first adventure race last weekend (what fun! But more on that later, I promise), and I am trying to finish out this semester by actually studying (such a novel idea), so life is getting in the way of my blogging.

One little glitch that happened this week - I was diagnosed with asthma. Not a super severe case but enough that it does slow me down considerably when I workout. I have been noticing problems with my breathing for a year now but in the past few months it has progressed quite a bit. Then during my race this weekend I was having lots of problems breathing and continued to have problems after the race. That's when I decided to get it checked - the doctor said "yes, it's asthma" then sent me home with over $300 (after insurance) worth of prescriptions that I need to take daily. I can already see a difference and hope I can get this under better control for my next race. Asthma kind of runs in the family so it isn't a surprise but I wish I had been the one family member that wasn't affected.

I promise I will write an update this weekend on my race (pics and all!). It was a great experience and now I can honestly say that I fulfilled my big goal, to run an Adventure Race!!

"This bike had better be worth it"

2008-04-13T21:29:00.012-06:00

I'm giving my mom credit for the title today - those were her exact words as we traveled to Amarillo to pick up my mountain bike. We endured icy, snow packed roads for the majority of the trip and were relieved to finally reach my brothers house. So the big question would be... was it worth it?? You bet!!!

Despite a big height difference between me and my brother, the bike was a perfect fit. We spent some time putting on a new seat and peddles then headed out to test it out. Due to my later than expected arrival, we opted to stick close to home and hit some of the dirt roads around his house. We spent an hour tooling around, helping me get use to the gears (which are a little different than most bikes) and adjusting the seat a few times so it was at the perfect height. I also got a mini bike maintenance lesson on how to change a tube, how to lube the chain and a couple of little things like that. My brother is truly a saint and I am so blessed to have him - I do believe he is almost as excited as I am to start riding and I love him for that. THANKS STEVE!!!

I'm still not entirely comfortable on a bike - but the more I ride, the more comfortable I become. I plan on riding all week - to school, to work, etc... basically, a lot! "Become one with the bike" is the mantra this week.

I chatted with my team members about the race next weekend and we officially have a team name - "Wandering Soles" it is! Quite appropriate, I think. They live in Albuquerque and had the opportunity to do a mini trial race with the same group that is putting on the race next weekend, so they were regaling me with stories of the day. Their experience is going to help a lot because at this point, I feel a bit in the dark on what to expect. I suppose that is part of the excitement, the unknown of it all.

When I first said "I want to do an Adventure Race" I don't think I ever imagined what I was getting into and how it would affect me. The idea that I can do this, actually complete one of these races, is still beyond the scope of my imagination. Yet I catch myself planning for future, more ambitious races. Not only that, but I want to do well in them. I do believe that I am a bit more competitive and ambitious than I ever imagined, which is all pretty new to me - it's hard to shift the perception you have of yourself to something entirely different. But I suppose that is part of the journey, isn't it?

The Yoda of the Cycling World

2008-04-07T14:05:00.030-06:00

It’s been unbelievably busy lately – my move has added about 2 hours to my commute and trying to prepare for this upcoming adventure race has been a challenge. I’m pretty motivated, but when that alarm goes off at 4am, that motivation can go right out the window! Forcing myself to head to bed at a much earlier hour than most people is the big challenge - my social life is seriously hurting but at this point I kind of prefer the whole 'staying awake while I drive' aspect more than my need for social engagement. Who needs a date anyway.

I've been ramping up my workouts to get ready for the race and one of the things I've added is a spinning class 3 times a week - love, love, love it! The fellow who leads the class has a unique approach to his instruction - he likes to do visualization and throws in lots of inspirational sayings to get us going. The funny thing is he is a bit like Sean Penn in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" - I catch myself laughing at some of the things he says, with that ting of a surfer dude accent. But what he does works - I truly HATED riding on stationary bikes before but no more, he knows how to get me in 'the zone.' Now we'll just see if it translates to the open road - I pick up my bike this weekend and Steve and I plan on doing a ride Saturday in Palo Duro Canyon State Park. I don't know what kind of trail he's taking me on, but I have a feeling he's going to want to push me a bit - I'm all for a good push now and then and now seems as good a time as any.

My first race is just 10 days, 11 hours away! It will be in Albuquerque on April 20 and I'll be racing with a couple I met at camp. It includes mountain biking for about 10-15 miles and trail running/trekking for about 5-10 miles - we won't know exactly until the day of the race. I'm nervous yet excited all at the same time. On top of that, it's another item I can check off of my 'dream list.' It's funny, I keep checking things off of this list yet it keeps getting longer - at this rate I'll be 80 before I finish the darn thing. (hey, that was one of my goals... to be doing stuff like this when I am 80. Let's hope I don't finish the list before then!)

The other night I decided to lay out a schedule of all the races I plan on doing this summer - it was then that I realized that this is going to be a crazy summer... and a lot of fun! I'm going to post it on my blog with the thought that this will keep me accountable to all of you and that I might actually RUN these races. :-)

Registered/Confirmed:

April 20: New Mexico Adventure Racing Club Sprint #1 - I'll be racing with Jerry and Linda, a couple I met at camp. First adventure race for all of us!
May 3: Take 5 in the Garden- a 5 mile, very hilly run in the Garden of the Gods. I actually enjoy running hills - it's probably because I get the reward of a fun, downhill run after the climb. :-)
May 10: Gravity Play Buena Vista Adventure Race - I'll be working as a volunteer for this race. This is the same group that put on the camp I attended, it will be a great introduction to what a longer race involves and what to expect when I run one of their races.
May 26: Bolder Boulder 10K - this race was one of my first goals when I began to lose weight. I'll be running this with a group from work. I keep hearing how much fun it is, can't wait to experience it myself!

Tentative:

June 8 OR July 12: New Mexico Adventure Racing Club Sprint #2 OR #3 - I'll be running one of these races with my brother Steve. We need to finalize the date but he seems pretty excited to be doing a race.
June 21 - July 2: Primal Quest - I might be on the support team for a team running this amazing race (it's a huge race, kind of the ultimate challenge of all the adventure races) It would probably be just a few days, but what a great way to spend those days!
July 26-27: Gravity Play - Summit County Adventure Race: I want to do either their sprint or 12 hour race but need to find a partner/team that is willing to put up with a slow newbie (Anyone out there interested??)
September 6: Gravity Play - Vail Adventure Race: Would like to do the 12 hour race for this one, but once again need a partner/team. Anyone??
October 19: Denver Half Marathon - this is REALLY tentative, not sure I want to take on a half marathon. A lot depends on how the summer goes.
November 16: San Antonio Rock n Roll Marathon - I'm more likely to run this half marathon. I would get to visit my Aunt and Uncle and run at a beautiful location (that just happens to be at a much lower altitude than Colorado - you would be amazed how much of a difference that makes!)

Did I mention I also have a goal of climbing 10 14ers? And who knows what else might come up - I like having a schedule but I also want to be flexible and open to trying something/anything new. I might as well add more to my dream list - I don't want to get bored, do I?

"Not All Who Wander are Lost"

2008-03-28T22:16:00.014-06:00

I have the above quote all over the place... in my email signature, on my computer, on my frig, and so on. I had discovered it last summer, when my life was at a bit of a crossroads. So much had taken place: my weight loss, layoff from my job, dad's illness and death, graduate school, my aunt's death and all the chaos that ensued, even more deaths of friends... you get the drift, it's a long list that seems to continue to grow.

That list of changes made me evaluate what exactly is important to me and how I not only view life, but live it. And in the process I found this quote and I latched onto it with all my heart. Most people who read it assume it's all about hiking, the love of the outdoors and that feeling of being far away from civilization. That was part of my attraction to it, but that was only a small portion.

I remember my friend Robert asking me "What are you passionate about?" And I smiled when he asked that, because I honestly had no idea. There are lots of things in my life that you could say I love to do: climb, hike, run, spend time with family and friends, school, and so on. But to hone in on one thing that I am passionate about? Nope. And that doesn't really bother me - I know that at this time in my life I am wandering around, with no idea of what is in the future. And for the first time in my life, I am ok with that. It doesn't matter what my career is, how successful or important I am or how much money I have, all that matters is that I am at peace with my decisions and my life. The passionate part? That will come someday.

When everything in your life is turned upside down; when nothing seems to make sense anymore; when you feel like your life has no purpose; that's when you find out who you really are and where you are headed. I found out that with my wanderings, whether on a mountain or in some other sense, there was a purpose to my life. It just didn't fit the regular parameters that I had set for myself in the past.

And all the changes? Not really so bad. If I hadn't experienced them, I would of never gone back to school; I wouldn't of been able to spend those last few, precious months with dad; I wouldn't of reconnected with old friends who meant so much to my life in the past and mean even more now; and I wouldn't have found out that I have a love of the outdoors that surprises not only me, but most who know me.

"Not all who wander are lost."

I'm a wanderer, and I honestly don't know when that may change. But my wandering has led me to do so many things I never imagined doing and right now I like that - it may not make me tons of money or make me famous, but I can guarantee I will never be bored.

Sleepwalking Elbert

2008-03-24T14:53:00.019-06:00

I have always been a sleepwalker. There are quite a few stories of me as a child haunting our house with my nightly jaunts. It continued on in my adulthood and there were many times where I would find myself standing outside of my home in the middle of the night wondering how I got there. But in all the years I have sleepwalked I have never done it while I was hiking... until yesterday. Well, maybe not so much sleepwalking as falling asleep as I hike. On a 14er, no less. How did it happen? That's a darn good question.

I spent the day with a great group of people from 14ers.com, trying for a winter ascent of Mt. Elbert, the highest spot in Colorado. In my case, trying was the operative word. I made it to about 13,000 feet and had to turn back, the combination of the wind and not feeling too good forced me to turn and head back to the trailhead with a mile and 1500 vertical feet left to the summit.

As I was heading back down I began to feel tired. Actually, not so much tired as exhausted. You know that feeling when you are driving down the road and you can't keep your eyes open? That is exactly how it felt. If it happens when I am driving, I will stop and run around the car a few times and that wakes me up. It isn't so easy when you are already physically moving your body. I tried everything - pinching myself, taking a break to eat or drink, even leaning against a tree to close my eyes for a few minutes. A couple of times I actually fell right into a snow bank because I had fallen dead asleep. It was what I would classify as bizarre - it had never happened to me before and really took me by surprise.

I finally decided to run the last 2 miles (in my snowshoes no less - something I have never been able to do before) and while I was still fighting to keep my eyes open, it did help me a little. I got to the trailhead fairly quickly with the run, got out of all my layers of clothes and jumped into the truck hoping to catch a few shut eyes before the group returned. And you know what happened? I couldn't fall asleep. Figures, doesn't it?

Today I decided to do a bit of googling to see if I could find anything on my "sleep hiking" and found a couple of possibilities. The most probable was High Altitude Sickness. I knew I wasn't feeling good up top but I had never heard that drowsiness can be a side affect. And sure enough, it is. I had noticed I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open before I turned around, but at the time I thought it was due to the wind. Apparently not. A lesson for all of you that would like to hike higher elevations - if you start to get tired enough to fall face first into the snow/trail, you might want to consider turning around.

All in all there were 4 of our group who made it to the top - James and I were the only ones who didn't get to stand at the highest point in the state on Easter. They hiked 12 miles and 4900 vertical feet (I did about 10 miles and 3500 vertical feet, James was a little bit more than that). But we are planning on another attempt, this time in the summer. Winter ascents are not exactly something I want to try again - I'm a wimp in the cold and I gladly admit it!

The day ended with a great meal at a local mexican food restaurant in Buena Vista. It was a great day with great people who I would love to climb with again (in the summer, of course).

Here are the pics from the day.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go....

2008-03-21T18:44:00.007-06:00

I know, corny title, but I'm tired and nothing else came to mind so there it is. It was hard getting back to work and school and just the everyday grind of life after my fun, long weekend. I'm also in the process of moving and just have to say that living in one place for a long time is not always a good thing - I have collected way too much junk! Geesh, where did all this stuff come from???

The above pic is from my hike at Arches National Park to the Delicate Arch - beautiful hike that I squeezed in before heading back to Denver. I went with a fellow AR camp attender David who had also stayed in Moab for a couple of days after camp - it was a nice ending to a great weekend. We also did a short hike among some of the rock formations (below) that was just gorgeous - fun time!

My workouts have been rather intense since I returned from Moab - I have a whole new motivation that I didn't have before and am trying to push myself harder. Mental toughness is always my problem - most of the time my body can do it, but my mind isn't always so sure. I'm working on that and hoping I can begin to build the confidence and toughness that goes with racing.

My dear and wonderful brother (Hi Steve!) has offered to let me use one of his mountain bikes, yeah!! I'll be heading down to Texas soon to pick it up and hopefully hit a trail or two when I'm there - I would love to go out with someone as experienced as him. On top of that he has agreed to do a race with me!! He's strong in biking, I'm strong on trekking and between the two of us I think we could do pretty well. He's pretty competitive, I'm only so-so competitive so I'm hoping his competitive streak will rub off on me. Mom has even said she would be there for support, so it could be a fun time for the whole family!

Now, if I can just get Bill to step up and do the Bolder Boulder with all of us, I would be happy (hehe - I thought I would try another route to get you motivated my friend)

It looks like I will be spending Easter Sunday climbing Mt Elbert - my first winter ascent, (or spring, if you want to get all technical about it). I have wanted to do Elbert for a long time and was going to make it my first summer 14er this year, but this chance came up and I don't want to pass it up. Let's just hope the weather holds up - it's suppose to be 20 with some wind but that's it - pretty decent considering what a rough winter it has been. I'll try to post pictures of the climb, as long as my camera doesn't freeze!

Camp Debriefing

2008-03-18T05:54:00.013-06:00

So here it is Tuesday and a couple of days after camp. I've been thinking a lot about the camp and it's affect on me, which I have to say is quite profound. For a newbie like me, this was the perfect way to get my feet wet. It was challenging yet fun and helped me get past some of my fears.

I was never made to feel like "the newbie" either - I had wondered if some of the more hardcore types would look at me and my lack of skills and be not too kind. But there was never a moment where I felt looked down on or ridiculed, the support from everyone was amazing.

It truly was a life changing weekend for me. Here is just some of what I learned:

That I can do so much more than I ever imagined I could and that sometimes a little push is a good thing.

That no fear is too great to overcome.

That compasses are sexy!

That when you are climbing a hill on a bike and the front wheel pops up, you should put your break on and jump off the bike quickly otherwise you will end up bloody and bruised (I'm STILL bleeding from that fall!)

That falling is an art that I have mastered all too well.

That of the instructors I had, Jari cried the first time she mountain biked (and is now a world class biker) and Jon hates heights (yet still does some of the most challenging ropes around). Made me feel a whole lot better.

That going from Point A to Point B in a straight line is rather difficult for me, whether on land or by boat. I guess I missed that class in elementary school.

That despite not being able to go from Point A to Point B in a straight line in a kayak, it can actually mean you get to do lots of 360's, which is a lot of fun! (not exactly great race strategy but I've got to find the good in this somehow)

That if you use "Frankenstein arms" for kayaking, you will learn great form for paddling (it feels weird and looks funny but it works)

That it is possible to go straight down a hill on a mountain bike and not fall off (well, most of the time)

That you can meet the most amazing people in the most unexpected places and your life is the better for having met them.

And finally... that my life is an extremely blessed one. All of you, my friends and family, have been so supportive of me in this endeavor and I will never be able to repay each of you for that support. Your emails and comments meant a lot - THANK YOU!!!

And so on to my next adventure - I have no idea what exactly it will be but I can't wait to find out!

Kayaking 101

2008-03-17T22:48:00.012-06:00

The last day of camp was our kayaking day on the Colorado and it was the day I was most looking forward to. No fear of the water here, so I knew the day would be my day to just enjoy. And that is exactly how it turned out. It was truly the most fun I had all weekend and I owe it all to my terrific kayaking partner Tim, who happened to be very experienced and was able to give me some personal instruction and pointers. On top of that he was just a blast to be with and made the entire trip fun!

The day started off cold and cloudy and the talk was about a storm that was suppose to make our trip miserable, cold and rainy. Miraculously, as soon as we hit the water the sun came out and gave us a couple of wonderful, sunny hours.

Despite having kayaked before, this was all pretty new to me. Most of my experience had been ocean kayaking and very low key, as in "here's the boat and paddle, wear your life jacket and have fun" - that was about the extent of any instruction we were given. The only river kayaking I had done was way back in college and I don't remember much about it. This day was a solid introduction to good techniques, which I plan to put into practice as much as possible.

The rapids were Class 1-2, big enough to be fun but not too scary. We spent a lot of the time going in circles - I just could not master the whole "going in a straight line" thing at all (sound familiar? It was the same problem I had biking - why does that not surprise me?) Tim kept giving me pointers on how to correct my zigzag approach and I was starting to get a little better toward the end of the day. I wish we had had more time but unfortunately it all ended way too soon. As soon as it gets a bit warmer you can bet I'll be out there practicing though!

I did learn a lot but most importantly, I had fun. I laughed, saw lots of beautiful scenery and had great company to enjoy it all with. You can't ask for a better day than that - it was a perfect ending to the camp.

Ropes and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

2008-03-17T06:14:00.018-06:00

A good nights sleep can work wonders! I actually slept all night and feel like a different person today. So here it is, Monday and I am ready for another day of being outside - I'll be 4 wheeling with some friends who just happen to be in town for the Jeep Safari. Should be a great day! That is hours away and I have yet to post about the rest of my weekend, so here it goes.

Saturday was ropes day and as I mentioned in a previous post, I was pretty nervous about what this day would bring due to my fear of heights. But due to the amazing instruction of Jari I conquered it, no problem. The first rappelling exercise was a 60 foot cliff, pretty small compared to the big ole' cliff that I did later. The pic above is that very cliff - it seemed so big at the time but now it looks so tiny. But it was a HUGE step for me to make it and gave me the courage to take on the larger cliff right next to it.

But first I decided to do the zip line, or Tyrolean Traverse. I hate to admit it but I completely panicked on this one and couldn't do it. Someday I will do it, I have no doubt about that. But at that very moment, when I had to actually jump off, I just couldn't. I instead decided to go for rappelling off the larger cliff. No, let me rephrase that... JARI decided I would be doing the larger cliff. I don't think I had much of a choice. But her confidence in me gave me the courage to do it, and I did!

It was freakin amazing! The first part of the cliff you are walking down the rock but the bottom half is all free fall. (pic on right is the very cliff) It was a 150- 200 foot drop and I made it down no problem. I had a huge grin on my face for the rest of the day and that night I laid in bed reliving the day, which is part of the reason I have been so tired. I wish I could describe the exact feeling but it's hard to put into words. There is just something about conquering your fear that is empowering and liberating. I honestly believe that I can do anything now, anything at all. It may not be easy but I have no intention of letting that stop me.

Here are more pics from the day Ropes

I have to give a lot of credit to the instructors, especially Jari. They knew exactly what to do to walk me through the day. It was one of those days that I will never forget!

We ended up getting back late from ropes and dove right into the navigation clinic/dinner/Adventure Racing 101 with no break. Navigation was a bit over my head, although I plan on taking a more in-depth class this spring that will hopefully help me figure it out. Then Team Salomon/Crested Butte (the team Jari is on and one of the top teams in AR) presented lots of great info on nutrition, time management, gear, etc. After that was 'awards' time- they gave out some gear and I was one of the lucky ones to get something! The whole "I haven't been on a bike since I was 10 years old yet still rode the slick rock trail" won me a couple of backpacking food packets (woo hoo!! I've been wanting to try these). Great end to the day!